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S
sha_onarainyday
Apr 21, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Forever's much too long

I said "Stay through the night.

And leave again when the sun is bright."

'Cause I want you

but not forever.

Forever's much too long.

 

If you'll have me we can spend the day

Pickin' flowers by the bay

I'll let my hair down, 

You'll play the blues

And the wind will carry

The seeds and tunes.

 

 

As the sun goes down the stars will shine

and you'll say, "Baby, please be mine"

Don't spoil the mood, now.

Don't say a thing.

Let our bodies show their joy

Just as the Earth shows her Spring.

 

'Cause God won't forgive our pagan ways

And regret is brought with new sun's raise.

If I told you I love you

It'd fall on deaf ears

We must learn the hard way

Feelings can't outlive our fears.

 

I say, "Stay through the night."

I say "Be my love till the sun shines bright."

And when we wake

The magic will be gone.

I'd like to love you forever

But we both know that's too long.


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Country/Region: USA

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M

meic

17 years ago

A nice write and a

A nice write and a believable philosophy - forever is indeed too long, much as one love is also too few. Either way such moments should be cherished. Mike "not all matterings of mind equal one violet" ~ e e cummings ~
B

bjp

17 years ago

Dear Sha,

I like your idea here but somewhere along the way, years ago, I decided that rhyming was usually too cute to be beautiful. Personally, I have severe cognitive trouble with rhyming. Normally, I don't say anything and just go to a different poem where I can say something entirely positive. But I like your ideas, poems and comments too much to be quite that indifferent. Consider saving rhyme for occasions of serendipity or in circumstances of unlikely locale or occasion. In a way, you have to work harder without the cute rhyme to ease the reader. The read has to be more original to attract an audience, which, in turn, requires more truth (and its sometime attendant harshness) (as the squishy lubrication of rhyme dissipates). However, the poem almost inevitably becomes a more courageous artifact and that may well increase its value as art and philosophy. You seem to go back and forth between poems that rhyme and poems that don't. The down side of my suggestion is that to get really good at something, including rhyme, one generally has to do it a lot seeking a chronically original form. The world moves. Picasso was in on the invention of cubism but no one from later generations will get much credit for doing Picasso-like art. adieu, bjp
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sha_onarainyday

17 years ago

thank you for your

thank you for your thoughtful comment! i agree, it's hard to be anywhere near original when rhyming. i try to use it strategically in most of my poetry to help the flow and to make it sing to the readers mind (my intent, but not always the outcome, i'm sure) this was actually written in a sort of campfire folk-song style. it's an anti-love song, really. thanks again. sha