The Knowing Smile

mostly because I can tell this write came from your heart and also someone familiar with "Pain" as well...heart wrenchingly good write

I understand what you are saying [as an ex Special School Head you would expect me to] and you've said it well. Thanks for sharing. Mike "not all matterings of mind equal one violet" ~ e e cummings ~

the message is stunning...but it just doesnt feel like poetry to me...the lines are too lengthy and for me do not flow...you repeat a few words and not in a poetic way...i think perhaps you may be able to tweak this into a poem and a beautiful one at that...but in my humble opinion...its just not there yet... <3 Emarie __________________________________________________________________________________ "i read you and see…that between the pen, paper and you…there is little room for me…" ~heartbreaker~ Go Live & Get Rewarded!!! Check us out at http://www.neopoet.com/forum/20761 & the Community Calender!!!

I know the feeling! Don't go to another site tho..this is the best one i have found. I tend to agree with Emarie. The write is more of a prose than poem, which is fine, it has such depth and feeling, and a lesson for all of us. The awareness is great in your conclusion of a knowing smile. I have watched people who have had one of the senses lacking and wondered about their smiles. You give me insight! If you would like to convert this to a more poetic form... may I offer you an opening line? Or, give you an idea to begin your own? Is only a suggestion to do with as you would like. "There's a knowing smile That comes from a collective senses loss...." would love to see you do a revision. Always Sincere, Tonya

the write is rich with words noun sense of feeling its as if the ingredients are here just not quite as Emarie has said Not Quite the right recipe spacing good paragraph good capitilization good as I said your words are bang on I knew a challenged one so fair projecting oh so innocent air Content with smiles like an oak though he never understood the joke It mattered not infectious as they were For I treasure them and he more then he could He showed me innocence contented learning me the different planes ... That was just my example of the style that I write in Its my template of poem work that for a majority of poems i use Some are different though like a harder or shorter route I would suggest reading poems here and finding a poet you like and the poems or the poems you like and the poet that comes with them and trying their form with your words plus the emotions and feelings trimming this is hard because when I first started all the words I wanted they were all important but the magic is the simplicity like sculpting like tai chi i always think of or like rap the steady flow of rhymne is the essence whatever you chose Freeform is used here a lot You have a lot of good lines here in this write your potential is already here Just some tweaking as Emarie said and as Tonya has noted much depth and feeling I would like to see you work on this more Its touching and very human This is my third attempt at Critiqueing people I find it very hard too do because I was so critisized when younger but you have asked so straight forward and honestly Please stay here with Neopoet it would be a shame to lose you You everything you need just some guidance or mentoring I hope I have been of help here this is the first time i am giving three stars because of a new responsibility awareness towards helping people work at this workshop poem place thank you for helping me