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press
press
Apr 15, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The other me you seem to see

The other me you seem to see

 

I do not know what make you so afraid of me
What in my words did or not you see
What in my words did you think were not true
When all of these words together should have given a clue
Over and over in your mind
Must be words that you cannot find
Can you just to talk to me
I swear never will your heart pay a fee
There are things going on here that I cannot see
The why the how was all in your life before me
You will cause me to choose
If faith and trust is, you’re to lose
— press, Apr 15, 2009

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Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

B

Baz

17 years 1 month ago

The other me

Hi Press I quite like the message that you are conveying; your confusion. You are reaching out to someone and getting a negative response. Your story is there; the emotion is there; the rhyme is there but in my humble opinion I believe that you should rework the last three lines, possibly: "The why, the how, which was your life before me You will cause me to choose What faith and trust is, then you’re to lose" Of course, this may not be what you wish to express, but this the way I interpret your poem, I have been known to be wrong and usually am! Respectfully Baz