Nights' Enchantress

as a lover of the night, I just had to read this piece, and I found some wonderful imagery in it. Unfortunately, I feel that it is slightly overpunctuated, please consider your commas again. I have often helped others with their punctuation by suggesting this: Take out all the punctuation in your draft, then read it out loud and decide where you really need a comma. Also, I am slightly nitpicky about the use of apostrophes and have stumbled on these: l.18,19&28 "nights"-> "night´s"? and l.40 "chevalier's"-> "chevaliers"? And in l.25, there seems to be a typo. Nevertheless, this is a great piece on the beauty and magic of the night. Would you care to read my poem to the night? http://www.neopoet.com/node/3764 Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)

I really like this piece of yours, it has a depth of emotional evocation that I always seek in poems, and the imagery is wonderful, sharp and bleak and intense. I will not add to any of the comments about commas and punctuation that Nina talks about, except to say that I learned a lot about writing poetry from reading her critiques! Heehee. A fine effort that I look forward to reading again after you edit. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

I want sentinels lol Again yet another spellbounding poem Kept my wanting interest to the very end! Awesome write ma dear! <3!

I enjoyed this alot although i do feel you could improve it by tweaking the flow in some verses and reducing the repetitions of some words....for example you use "night(s)" eleven times and especially in the last few verses (6 times in 13 lines. To go through it verse by verse: The first verse is very good and has a very effective flow and imagery (should be "ascending" by the way). The second and third verses while using great imagery don't flow so well and, at times, have almost too much of a list like quality in places. I loved: "Moon , mirror to darkness revealing nights face" (third verse should be "she" rather than "shes"). The fourth verse is good and in the short fifth verse you might consider avoiding the repetition of "wine". In the last verses the "night" repetition i have already mentioned. If you want to use "divergent" it should be followed by "from" rather than "of". Perhaps you intended something more like "bereft of" or "devoid of"? I notice along with Nina that you have some punctuation problems but if it helps any with the use of apostrophe's you use them when there is an implied "of". So when you say "Night's appetite" the sense is appetite of the night and so there should be an apostrophe. Of course you also use an apostrophe in situations when there is an abbreviated "is"...so "She's" instead of "She is". Hope that helps a little. You notice i only focussed on details and flow etc...which means i thought the content and imagery were great. with best wishes Keith x

you did a really great job on the revision! There were still a few 's-issues. It should be "night's appetite" but "chevaliers", and there is also the redundant "s" after "she" (l.24), but those should be easy to correct. Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)

Very nice...especially the part below.. Night’s appetite An unsated desire for shadow and shade these are her feast Quenching her thirst greyness her fine wine I think a small typo..on satiated? I could be wrong. I dont find my own ..until I am all done too :( You write beautifully!!

my five star vote lol. BW Keith x

n.. fantastic poem I love the night Its where I lived for so long that its me or a part of me developed there Safe from cruel family taunts the fights the accusations just night quiet and accepting with all its night things and wild moon and stars my freinds I had forgotten all about that a beautiful poem I give you five stars Seren

yes beautiful spotlight Seren just at this bookstore noting the many poets writers wrote books together as is happening here 1953 of course the Beat Poets my favourite GLad to see this deserving poem here!! Your freind Steven!!

I love this poem. The quality of lonely desolation and wandering through her life with all its shadows and all its beauty is jus GREAT! Even though she hassan 'entourage of her creatures' there is still the londliness that follows her about on her nightly searching... Wonderful images. I think the ideas you have been given above are spot on. The last line tickles my brain for one reason. Since she is 'Night' she does not become it.. (make sense?) unless i suppose, she is becoming the essence of more than night... i offer one suggestion: "As she is night silently she moves on Forever divergent from light Embracing and becoming darkness Goddess of night" to changing the last2 lines 'embrassing her status of Night Goddess' just a thought. It is a beautiful write! Always Sincere, Tonya

I think you deserve 5 stars for your openness to suggestion and your perseverance in following through advice given to you. The poem itself adequately expresses the feelings of someone who considers night a time of opportunity for musings within an atmosphere of magic. Nicely written indeed. Mike "not all matterings of mind equal one violet" ~ e e cummings ~

Your poetry is a delight to read and this poem is the evidence of that fact =]

Another winner for you, to bad the stars go only to 5. This deserves more. I truly loved it. Keep up the awsome work. See ya around the chat. Take care of YOURSELF!! Your Friend, Pixee

wow you should get that published that is wonderful

wow....just.....wow