I had missed what that might mean

Hi Nina, just returned from a couple of days break, I wrote this a while ago, rediscovered it recently & thought it had something to say, so I thought I'd see what others thought. I have changed the 1.5 line as you suggested (& Arrow agreed), though, I actually like it the way I originally wrote it (“I have not felt once bitter”), I know it's odd phrasing, but it had a distinctive undercurrent that way, I can see how it flows better now... I think there's something in me that prefers to have some bumps & jumps in my writing, it might be related to my far greater history of song writing I think, but I am willing to take on suggestions of greater poets like yourselves, so I am trying it on, remembering this s not writing for song, but poetry. I will think on the last line, Arrow mentions it too, though I haven't taken in what the comment was yet so I'll read the other comments first then if I have time I may change it. Thanks as always Nina, appreciate your insights & experience. Cheers Anni Anni ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ... Your playing small doesn't serve the world..."

Well, you know O', praise form one so talented is always high praise & as always so beautifully offered, I do completely love hearing from you. I do really understand that hunger in the "lonely poets heart", so yummy when you get fed, lots of that on this site. I will look up those 2 items you mentioned, since I know neither of them (rare that I don't know of a song at least vaguely, I have a HUGE & eclectic collection, always good to increase my musical vocabulary) I love how this place offers up new influences from out of left field, life is always full of things we might not expect, love that being open to possibilities wherever they come up. I don't know what it is you look for my friend, but what I do know is, in your search you take us on the most extraordinary & wonderful journey of your words, it might be selfish of me, but I love the places you take us with your words Steven, you are an amazing inspiration. Thanks for your support, love it. Anni ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ... Your playing small doesn't serve the world..."

Hi Gee, yeah, spot on, that's exactly it, though residually always lurking.... sigh! I'm not sure I will ever shine that particular shadow away, though at least it is now only shadow & no longer the bright sun of my universe... This was written early this year though & I have ceratinly come a long way. It's never easy when you don't really understand why someone turns their back & does hurtful things, especially when there is a lot about them that is essentially so good. Still, people must be free to make their own choices regardless of what they may promise initially... Enough of that though... Moving forward is always a good thing, especially from a place of darkness or shadow. I am loving the place of sunshine & brightness I am now firmly back to, this lovely blue sky sweetness, this soft cloud warmth, where things are transparant, clear & fresh. I feel home again & love flows around me, I am so very lucky. & will always be grateful. Anni ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ... Your playing small doesn't serve the world..."

Hi Arrow, hmmm, I understand what you mean, for me it's different, ultimately, my partner left such lightness with me when he died (not that it wasn't the darkest place I could ever have walked through via that loss), I've had so much time to come to terms with that & take the sweetness from the agony (though it is always there at a deep level as I have no doubt you know well), plus Mark died so suddenly & unexpectedly, he was so young, as was I. He was a pilot so he is a part of my sky forever, never feels like a shadow, more like a star if anything. The sadness in this write was that I guess it was likely the first time since I did lose Mark that I had trusted my heart so completely to anyone else, 20 years to make such a mistake was a tricky thing, but I can't bare to live a moment longer in it than I must, hence the desire to lean into the spurs & get the hell out of there!. I don't at all feel like a heroine, just relieved to be moving on with speed & grace, despite that place being so appealing, nothing pretty is good if there is no love there. It was not an easy thing to do though. However that's where the lines come in that throw you a little, it was made easy because the lines were cut so cleanly (the clean slice) between my heart & that which I believed to be my love, & I saw those lines flung carelessly on another shore, not for love but for sport, apparently it was easier to choose that than integrity, or love, but as I say, people must make their choices. The things (in the poem) I don't expect just represent care & consideration, if it had been present, they would have been sent to me via any means, in any coloured envelope (grey, purple or saffron) or any form of communication, they didn't come. I am glad you get the final line despite it's lack of uniformity, I prefer it that way too, it was not a smooth & lovely process this one. Ah well, easier now. As you see I changed the line both you & Nina found problematic, I still prefer it the first way, my weirdness perhaps. Thanks for your comments Arrow, always feel honoured by them. Anni ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ... Your playing small doesn't serve the world..."