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ID
Ink Dragon
Apr 12, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Elemental charms I : Water


We spoilt children of this modern age
Are always hungry, never sated,
Thirsting for coffee, beer, champagne and the like,
Elaborate ruses that taste of promises,
Rejecting plain water that would quench our thirst.
— Ink Dragon, Apr 12, 2009
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Critiques

Proprietress of Crimson Hearts

Proprietress o…

17 years 3 months ago

this is, without a doubt, awesome!

I love the idea and the umsetzung. I was expecting something totally different, so I was surprised at this very fresh approach. great; I am really looking forward to the other elements... hope fire's next ;-) your Proprietress
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Oh, Kata,

you can read my mind! I was indeed thinking of doing fire next! Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)
yenti

yenti

17 years 3 months ago

Water

What can you say about those things that the children cannot see where eggs come from the supermarket, as most things and the TV gets stuck in the syes and the ears are full of lethal microwave phones. Lovely little write, as our Proprietress says we look forward to the other elements, Yours Ian.T
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks, Ian,

your comment reminds me of that girl I once met who said "I don´t believe meat comes from animals." A fellow vegetarian retorted: "What, do you think there are Schnitzel trees?" The "Schnitzel trees" became a standing joke, of course. Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)
yenti

yenti

17 years 3 months ago

Sorry

I went and put one of those type poems on the stream, and it was water also, if we don't watch out we will be flooded, it just formed a puddle and I wrote it up, sorry again, Yours Ian.T
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Ian,

I will check out your water poem ASAP. Thanks for letting me know. And I think Neopoet is quite waterproof ;) Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Julie,

I somehow managed to miss your comment until now, sorry for that. The title... maybe I should try to explain: The title has "charms" in it because I have taken to calling all my acrostics "charms", "elemental" because it is planned as a series on the "elements", water, fire, earth and air. Do you still think that it does not fit the poem? Let me know,please, I am starting to think that my "charms" may be a bit confusing, this wouldn't be the first "charm" where many people do not make the connections I had in my mind when writing it. Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Ah, Julie,

I understand your concerns a little better now, I think. You are right, my "charms" often do not relate directly to the subject. That was a development that has taken some time, my first charms were on the exact subject of the title (see my "Coffee charms" or "Chocolate charm" here on Neo for comparison). It was a long process during which my writing has evolved from that "classic acrostic" stage to the stage of my newer "charms". Maybe that's why Kata is the one who understands my ramblings best, she has been with me through this process and witnessed the "evolution" of my charms. Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)
faerybeki

faerybeki

17 years 3 months ago

Nina,

so that's how you do acrostic eh?! :) This is awesome Nina, love it, so relevant, wonderfully written, has real punch! Sooo looking foward to the other elemental charms (such a wonderful word for these poems :)). Brilliant! :) much love b xx
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Beki,

this is how I do acrostic at any rate. I don't know if it is the way acrostics are supposed to be done and am getting the feeling that I may have taken those slightly over the top. Awesome that you liked it so much! Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)
professor

professor

17 years 3 months ago

I enjoyed this Nina

although for me the throw away "and the like" in the third line (which also felt uncomfortably long)detracted from the overall impact a little. My best wishes as always Keith
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Keith,

you are so right. Sometimes I do not look at my own things with open eyes and mind. I will work on that line and try to come up with an alternative. Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon) P.S. I just tried a possibility that crossed my mind, but thought it was even worse than "the like", so will have to reconsider.
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Nina...

Water... indeed we all need it and tend to flavor it to suit us... I had to stop buying soda's for awhile, my kids were thinking that water didn't taste good... sugared, carbonated or coffee flavored, it is water... it is all those extra ingredients the human body doesn't secrete so well that make it detrimental... I know people that don't drink plain water... unbelievable to me but if you look around you'll see. Water, great theme! had my mind and fingers fighting to respond... We spoilt... I would have used.. "We've spoiled the children" but it may be a matter of preference... Richard
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Richard,

my kids were thinking exactly the same thing for a while, but I have reintroduced water to them and they now actually like drinking it. That was part of the inspiration for this piece. On the "we spoilt": I was aiming for an adjectival use of "spoilt", meaning that we all are "spoilt", not only our children. Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)
Seren

Seren

17 years 3 months ago

Love the title

And i loved the poem as well ... Love and Light JayC
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Hi JayC,

thanks for the read and the sweet comment! I saw that you have updated your "Night goddess" and am off to reread it now! Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)
Seren

Seren

17 years 3 months ago

Nina

I had to come back and read this it really is a good piece i love it .. Night goddess is still very much in progress I try not to force things and hopefully a slow and steady approach will improve my scribbles .. and thank you again the help with punctuation is much needed and i saw you picked up a couple of little things i missed ill try to rectify them in the next couple of days Love and Light JayC
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Craig,

thanks for dropping by! You're mentioning an important fact I didn't even take into consideration when writing this little piece. We are water... I like that word choice, maybe I will write something with that line in it. Yours, ~Nina
PN

Pen Name

17 years 2 months ago

with all due respect...

Coffee, beer, champagne and the like were there for ages... Children always liked them (also depends on the definition of children) though i know you mentioned them metaphorically... ;P I agree with Ian's comment... otherwise i liked the write... Very motherly thought i would say... :) Pen Name
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Pen Name,

thanks for the read and the comment. I have to disagree on the "motherly" though. I wasn't even thinking of my children when I wrote this, it's really supposed to be one big metaphor for our tendency to whine and complain...Is it too big and too metaphorical? Nevertheless, glad you liked it! Yours, ~Nina

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