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Your going to notice me tonight,

High heels and a short dress,

Oh baby, you'll see me,

Screw the rules,

Ima make the boys drool,

other girls will know I rule,

learn who's boss and who runs this school,

teachers cant help it they just have to stare,

the dance floor has only easy competition,

bodies move to the beat,

some sweat at the heat,

Oh baby,in you walk,

I do belive I felt my heart pop,

I wink at you,You smile,

I walk what feels like mile,

and return your smile,

Hop into your arms,

return to the floor,

party some more,

The dance is ending,

Oh god, its time to go,

My very first kiss was such a bliss,

that night under the moon,

my ride pulled up and I ran to the truck,

Oh baby,what a night that one was.

— ANC1996, Apr 10, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Florida, ZZC

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Shakespeare, Homer.

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Critiques

infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

Please don't take this the wrong way

The intented content is fine: poetry can be written about anything. However, this poem needs some polishing. I'll point out some suggestions. - "Ima make the boys drool" : slang doesn't really have a place in poetry, but if you're going to use it, at least put in the needed apostrophe I'ma. - "I do belive" -> believe - "Oh god, its time to go" -> God it's - "very first kiss was such a bliss" -> get rid of 'a'... such bliss Hope this helps. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"You can be a dreamer, you can be your dreams come true. Just let imagination lead, reality will follow through." - Michael Hedges
phoenixflame

phoenixflame

17 years 1 month ago

Lol nice!

This is some sort of anthem lol Just something random I had to say! Lol! You're good at this, I haven't written anything like this lol my poems are kinda boring.. Lol You're good at writting. But seriously, slang is really not something to put in a poem. It makes it sound like a rap song or something lolz! Just droppin by to comment! See ya! PhoenixFlame