Humility (forgiving me)

My very essence needs to say

I never want to be that way

Letting sadness make me bite and fight and flail

Despite misery, cruel, hounding me

It just isn’t how I want to be

Such behaviour seems to me, the way to fail

Instead I want to shine

Call forgiveness mine

Love you even if you hand me grieving

I want to live with grace

A gentle smile upon my face

In humility my giving is receiving

— Cloudthings, Apr 10, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Australia, regional Victoria, AUS

Favorite Poets: So many... Rumi, Spike Milligan, Keats. Many of the Neopoet clan, past & present. A myriad of song writers, Dylan, Jackson Browne, Lior, & I must add the poetic influence of painters, sculptors & creators across the world... Life really, especially the sky.

Critiques

Craig Norris

17 years 2 months ago

the open hand

nice one Anni, just one typo I think, is it a bight or is it chewier than that. Cheers Craig

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

No real teeth contact, just a bit of a private snarl

Ah well, you know the last one just didn't cut it, & this one isn't a great write, but sometimes it's about what wants to be outed, not how the poem looks... not always.. but this time it was more important. I don't ever stay in that uncomfortable place for long, thank goodness, but sometimes I like to clean it up, no matter how brief, life works better that way. Hah, didn't even notice the typo in my rush, ta, will fix that little error. I can't lay claim to the Great Australian one, this wass really just a wee nip, or perhaps a momentary teeth nashing snarl in private, but all the same I prefer to be bigger than that in my expressions... I meant it to be called "Humility (forgiving me)", but I forgot & had to get back to my "real life"... Neo is such a wonderful distraction! Love the work you've been posting of late by the way... Missed your words a lot. x Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

Arrow

17 years 1 month ago

Wanting and willing

*I'd like to see this poem psychologically stronger, more along the lines of: This is what I HAVE to say I REFUSE to be that way, etc. Of course, this is a matter of voice. If that is not your intended voice, then so be it! *"Instead I want to shine" - this seems to be a central line. I wonder about setting it apart to help it stand out more. *"Love you even if you hand me grieving" - I love this use of "grieving."Frankly, I love it when other parts of speech are used as nouns. I think it helps the line sparkle. A goal so much easier said than done. No wonder we have to write to encourage ourselves to do it.

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

is changing the original feeling a little like airbrushing the b

Thanks Arrow, I really feel these suggestions you are making & will play with it, certainly they can fit, though the feel of the work was mellow at the time, I am learning that it is important not to stick stubornly with the original sense of something I write just for loyalties sake, that a better read may be had with a little tweeking. I used to feel this was a little like lying, to change the work & make it something it wasn't originally intended to be, but maybe that's part of the art? I don't know, it feels like I am bumping up against my own standards or values here, I don't like false or misleading representations with a passion, is changing the original feeling a little like airbrushing the blemishes out of a photograph? I am such a snob about those things sometimes. I feel I need to get more flexable with this. Yes Cleaning up transgressions, no matter how small, is an uncomfortable thing initially, but in the end I know everyone feels better, righteousness can be so poisonous, I want NONE of it in my life if possible, but there, perhaps my standards are righteous in themselves!? So much to be enlightened about, forever more. Anni ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourse

Arrow

17 years 1 month ago

Airbrushing

Can a person airbrush fiction? I consider art to be a fiction and a skill suffused with a personality and I think that every person has different personality potentials within them. (Otherwise, change wouldn't be possible). If art is intended as a direct statement about the self at one point in time, then maybe it is deceptive to change tone. That isn't how I see it. I guess that's for the artist to decide. I enjoy it more as dress-up, trying on different personas/perspectives, seeing what might be in the back of the closet. Multiple selves, fluid selves, nontheless true selves. I don't think it's snobbery but an interesting question as to what our art means to us-something different obviously! :) Interesting comment (yours, I mean).

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

Thanks again Arrow, hugely apreciated as always

Yes Arrow & I love this perspective you have displayed & totally agree, that's why I feel I would like to get more flexable around it, I was not so aware of my tendency to retain a certain lyric out of loyalty to the original inspiration, this whole exposure thing is stil pretty new to me, it's different when you write songs, you just do them & then send them out into the listening audience, probably few people even listen to the lyrics that much let alone critique them as we do here. But I love this process, learn so much from it, & greatly enjoy these things you have explored & these things I have been able to view with different perspective as a result, so thank you. Did you notice I had changed quite a bit in the first stanza & put that space in before the 2nd as you very wisely noticed was indeed the most important element here... it took 4 spaces in the edit before one space showed up on the actual page, very odd, but there it is. Thanks again Arrow, hugely apreciated as always. Anni Anni ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ... Your playing small doesn't serve the world..."

Geezer

17 years 1 month ago

u forgiven.

you always clean up your messes,you are scrupulous about it! give you three stars for this one. i liked the sentiment very much. you are good at giving, so it is no suprise that you get good back. hard to invision you in really bad mood,ever! i mean,MEAN! this is just a minor rant! you are too forgiving! "anothers' point of view is a matter of perception." anyways liked it! gee.