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Degredation

Love burns bright    with caution and care –It gives me wings    that cut the airYet warning bells ring     so ominously there 
Our fire needs fuel

     but all too soon, 

all we have left

     are flaws that wound

And now we don't sing 

     such melodious tunes
 
Darkness makes bereft -       it pervades my thoughtsand mars your words;      A watching pairof little black birds     The seeds of doubthave taken hold –     Their roots force cracksand we grow cold.

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Country/Region: ZAF

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C

Craig Norris

17 years ago

tunes melodious

Hi Giuliana, I really like this, the first and third worked well I thought, but the last two lines in the second kinda lost the flow a bit,for me, perhaps. I played around with it and offer this for thought. Our fire needs fuel but soon all we have left are flaws that wound melodious tunes we no longer sing. This darkness makes bereft. Regards Craig.
G

Giuliana Isabella

17 years ago

Thank you

I think you're right about the second stanza. Thanks so much for your input - I'm definitely going to work on it! Thanks again! -Giuliana
Seren

Seren

17 years ago

I liked

this one and i gave you four :) take care Sincerely JayC
C

Craig Norris

17 years ago

Yep

Think that runs preetty smooth now. Nice work. Craig.