King of the field

King of the Field

Court is in session, the loyal subjects are present.

Standing in line all in perfect rows.

Dressed in vibrant colors of orange, green and gold.

The king in his finery as he surveys the splendid group.

Hat of the finest straw, powder white paint on his face.

His eyes bright and round, a nose perfectly shaped

above a mouth both wide and smiling.

His shirt a perfect pattern of calico.

Of stitching and squares, sleeves of delicate lace falling

Over his gloved hands.

Crisp indigo denim overalls.

A button of glass, a button of brass

Hold the straps fast in place.

His vest of black, imported hand me down silk.

A boutonnière of autumn leaves.

Placed there by his courtiers.

His shoes once freshly blackened

Are tied tight with wire to the wood frame.

A well shaped figure is the king

Shaped of the best scrapes of grass and hay.

He stands presiding protectively over his realm night and day.

The king and his court

pay homage to the season.

— autumnphoenix, Apr 09, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

Craig Norris

17 years 1 month ago

Nice one Phoenix

You had me all the way. Just one comment/suggestion, lines five and six, the word fine/finery is repeated three times, kinda seems a bit much. perhaps just losing one The king in his finery surveyed the fine group Hat of fresh straw, powder white paint on his face. Just a suggestion. Cheers Craig

autumnphoenix

17 years 1 month ago

Thanks Craig

Hello and thank you for reading and commenting. I did look at lines five and six. I have decided to replace the "fine" in line five with splendid. It will read "as he surveys the splendid group." It has a nice feel to it and loses nothing from the piece with the change. thank you. Dana

Craig Norris

17 years 1 month ago

Dana

Yep I like it, just another suggestion might help here, I'm no expert, just go with what feels the best, but take line two for instance, The Court is in session, the loyal subjects are present. If it was me I would probably do away with one "the", or maybe even both. Court is in session loyal subjects are present. When its read aloud it flows so much smoother, I think. I look for these words in my writing, and unless they contribute to the flow or the meaning I tend to dis them. Cheers Craig

autumnphoenix

17 years 1 month ago

Hi Craig

Thanks again for your comments. There is only one "the" in that part of the poem. I have thought about your suggestion of removing the one "the", but I think I will keep it. I like the feel. :) Thanks, Dana

Craig Norris

17 years 1 month ago

Sorry Dana

I was jumping ahead of myself there, I agree you should keep it, it's totally necessary. I think what happened was that I was reading line five and got my wires crossed somehow with line one. But anyway as an example of what I was talking about, line five we have, the his he the, don't want to be a pain in the butt, for my money, The King in his finery surveys the splendid group, seems to roll along better. Just me. Cheers Craig