Cloudthings

Apr 08, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Tattooed on me indelibly

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We may move on, it's true

but something of you

Is tattooed on me

Indelibly

I guess the loss is gain

Relieved now of the pain,

I return to myself

I return to the peace

I return to the strength

I embrace the release

You just took yourself away

It's finally all ok

But you’re tattooed on me

Indelibly

— Cloudthings, Apr 08, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Australia, regional Victoria, AUS

Favorite Poets: So many... Rumi, Spike Milligan, Keats. Many of the Neopoet clan, past & present. A myriad of song writers, Dylan, Jackson Browne, Lior, & I must add the poetic influence of painters, sculptors & creators across the world... Life really, especially the sky.

Critiques

orgami

17 years 2 months ago

A different poem but Intriquing

a different rythymn something in the shade personal pain loss movement So good to see your style change evolve as you write Anni I so love your writing

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

it was tugging at my sleeve so I let it out, but it isn't a comf

I am warmed that you love my writing, as you know I so love yours. I'm not so sure I like this one, it was tugging at my sleeve so I let it out, but it isn't a comfortable baby this one, & I feel it is far clumsier than most of them even... I have many different styles, probably like you. I wish just now I would not write so personally... but then so many of us do don't we. God I loved your last, heart breaking in parts... the chemo shunt, ouch & collapsed vein... you so gently place you literary fingers on the pulse of pain & show it up, I know these things are in your life, & you make no song & dance about it, you just paint it & some connect because we may have experience there, brilliantly done I think O' Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

Can't edit out the repeat of the first stanza at the end of the

Can't edit out the repeat of the first stanza at the end of the work, I have tried a few times, it doesn't show up in edit mode & I tried just errasing any space after the last word. Anyone got any ideas? Actaully while I'm asking, I can't paste from word without losing any visible show on the Neo home page either, no matter what I do it seems always to show nothing, errasing, pasting, adding lines etc. help! Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

professor

17 years 2 months ago

OK Anni

now it is very different poem and a bit sharper too. And yes for me it does a better job of showing what you intended to convey. There are still a couple of things that dont work for me as well but they may betray my own personal prejudices about word usage in poetry. "OK" always feels like a throw away word for me and i know you could do better than that. Perhaps something based around having the last "say" even. Also "I guess my loss is gain" then rhyming with "pain" feels a little contrived and undermines the more serious tone of the poem (in the same was as OK does). I can be brutal too i guess lol but only when its worth it! As always please take or leave and yes i did enjoy this revised version more. BW Keith

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

Hmmm wondering if the expected context effects your reading?

Thanks Keith, I really do apreciate your scholarly input you know, & apologies that I've been so long in responding here, being a bit rushed & preoccupied of late. How dare the REAL world intrude! I have thought quite a bit on your comments above, I must say with a little confusion. Actually I am left wondering if some of the problem is about expectations set up by interpretation, which may well be my fault, I don't know, but try this on it might make things clearer... I can understand how people seem to be reacting to this work as being so emotional (when to me it is much lighter than that) if it were about loss that is final & tragic such as death or something, but this poem is about the loss of a connection that in reality was more me having been more hopeful of a deep connection than the reality turned out to be, the person meant & still means a lot to me, but the relationship could never have been what I had hoped it would be, even so, that person left a deep imprint on my heart (& possibly an indelible scar as well) so I realised when considering a new connection I was having trouble letting that one go as phantom as it was, I just had to be at peace with the fact that the dream meant so much I would probably always hold an image of it within me. I wonder if this changes your perception of the poem or not? I am genuinely intrigued, because the lines that trouble you seem fine to me because I know the context is not as heavy as possibly some have perceived? But then maybe you know nothing of my history & the fact that long ago I did loose a partner, & maybe you just feel these things don't work as it is. I'd like to know! Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

professor

17 years 2 months ago

If im being honest Anni

this, given your high standard, is not i feel one of your best. It is obvious that there is great pain underneath this proverbial tattoo but the poem does not really go beneath the surface and the often repeated refrain reinforces this impression of an almost dreamy superficiality. I suppose what i am saying is that i felt this needed more pain and poignant imagery in between the tattoo refrains...then the juxtaposition would, for me, work much better i think. I hope you know what i mean but its only how it came across to me and i am sure others will probably like it immensely. BW Keith

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

final letting go, a sigh of relief, with residual, indelible mar

Please Do be honest & I agree, as I commented above it was tugging at my sleeve but it isn't a pretty offspring.. it might even have been better written as a letter I feel, rather than posted hereI did think about wiping most of it out & only leaving the first 2 stanzas, the rest is kind of laboured. It's funny, it doesn't hold pain this write, but it is about a time & experience that REALLY did hurt a lot... this is, I think, the final letting go... almost a sigh of relief with a residual, indelible legacy... It's frustrating that I can't read it whilst I discuss this with you, I shall go back & see... Yes, there actaully IS a dreamy superficiality, because it's about releasing the last vestages of the ties, only the mark is left & that is all it is, a picture of some dream that never occured, a hope that never came to fruition, so you have picked it perfectly, but you were expecting more I see. I'm not so sure others will like it so instantly, I'm not sure I did... I think it is one I wish I had not posted so carelessly, just in terms of my own standards for myself... & I do apreciate you even taking the time to comment, I'm not even sure if this one is deserving of that. I am spending so much time here today, but probably should address this! Thank you Keith Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

a brutal bit of editing, but I think it needed it

There you go Prof, a brutal bit of editing, but I think it needed it, it was way below standard & I knew it... ta for the push.. Heh, I have though, kept the elements you were less enamoured with... I just felt the rest was superfluous so I chopped them.. let me know what you think, I think you can view the changes in the review tab? Cheers & thanks again. Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

R.M.Shanmugam

17 years 2 months ago

Your name has bvenn tattooed

Your name has bvenn tattooed on me by this poem. i liked the emotion behind it. shan

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

Dangerous things tattoos... maybe as dangerous as giving one's

Oh, thank you Shan... I hope you don't mind that I edited it so brutally then, I guess it's almost a different work, but truer to the heart of things I think. Dangerous things tattoos... maybe as dangerous as giving one's heart! (& possibly less beautiful) Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Anni,

I see I am late to the party and you have already edited this piece. As a tattoo addict (if only I had some more money to spend on tattoos, there would hardly be an inch of skin left blank, I can assure you), and as one who has felt pain, I connect to this on several levels. It feels a little raw still, even after all your editing, and I agree with Keith that you have written "better" poems. But, BUT I do so understand! Sometimes all the beautiful words in the world cannot express the amount of pain we feel, and we feel diminished, reduced to a child-like stammer (or whisper or scream): Why? Yours, ~Nina

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

I feel I should apologise for having written such a conflicted

Thanks Nina... I have not conveyed the sense well at all in this poem, & I also agree, it isn't a particularly good write, it was just something that needed birthing as a final release to a painful (& really in the big picture, brief) love experience that had a really deep effect on me. The thing I am confused about is that everyone seems to get a sense that this was terribly painful to express & experience, when at the time of writing, this was really just the final resting & setting in place of something I had previously found very difficult to let go of, despite it being massively clear there was no possibility in it for some time... It is clearly a confusing write then in that case, the sense I have of it it so completely different to what it seems to be conveying, it should be a song of, letting go, peacefully & gracefully, despite the imprint it left on me, this is not what is being communicated though... You know I feel like it says that... the pain is gone, & in fact the loss of that dream that was unrealistic in the first place, is in fact a GAIN because to hold onto an unrealistic dream kept me in a very painful place. I can't deny though, that person will always have an impact on my life, & that is as it is, I hope it will never hurt so much is all. Anyway, our clumsy & ugly babies may be the ones with the most to learn from, this one is a puzzle I still can't manage to reconcile, Maybe my comment to Keith will help explain it if necessary. I feel I should apologise for having written such a conflicted poem! Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

Geezer

17 years 2 months ago

the emotion

the emotion that you feel, is salve upon bruised and broken heart. how can this thing be real? the light is green,it will not be...false start! just enter the race! you may win! you don't know,you got to be in it to win it! taaaaaaaaaa! gee.

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

finally conceding a residual imprint of a love that I Ionged for

Ta Gee, I feel really confused as to what this poem seems to have conveyed, I feel I should apologise since everyone seems to have taken it to be a very painful write... it isn't, it's an acknowledgement that someone left a deep imprint upon me, but I now am able to let it go with peace, knowing it's best this way, since to hang onto an impossible dream was very painful, especially when attentions to others were visible, but nothing for me when I still felt I was worthy of it... but people make their choices & do as they do, not being attached & thus hurt by it is the best thing, the loss is thus the gain... which is the releasing of inherent pain... Clearly this does not come across in the poem which was the final conceding of it being ok to accept a residual imprint even though we have both moved on... Some love is like that, no matter how brief, it was never consumated in terms of true love, I see that now, I just longed for it to be... I thought it was in the beginning, but it was denied, so in the end I guess errased. Sad I think, but worse things happen by far. Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

orgami

17 years 2 months ago

Alterations

always unique to return to see poems shifting like dunes on Bell island the bones of craft emerging buried deeper covered under marbled skies of cooled blue the chosen taupe of sands hot and fine I can sense the poem in here read your poems and your comments for awhile now delving into the creative you the human you May we move on Idelibly tatoo wound around us parted losing in its gain the sterile peirce of tradgic pain the sting returns me to my soul fulfill this self unleash the peace unchain the strength wear the mail of Embrace you took you away finalitys sway the okay tatooed we indelibly the contour impasse of we My version of your version Like the "cover" versions of my favourite songs on U Tube Keep on writing I wait on the shore for your every wave your writing reachs me in brilliant hues in solid font Circa 1460's

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

fonts that sweep & curve into our psyche to print themselves in

Dearest O' as always your response I think far suprpasses the skill of my original write, your "cover" version is brilliant, & I feel so glad you can pull such a work from what I actually feel is my first "failure"... I never felt you could actually "fail" writing poetry, it's so personal & open to a million opinions & interpretations, but in this instance I seem to have conveyed something so very different to what I set out to express... I guess it matters not in the end, but I feel confused by it, that so many could end up with an impression so far from the intent.. Hmm, I would far more prefer to flow into your gorgeous version, it is delightful & your last two stanzas, my friend, a soothing release, thank you for believing in me after such an ordinary attempt, I know I am capable of far better. I shall attempt to have my every wave reach you far more full of the sweet gifts of the ocean of verbage that so entices us all, seduces, sirenlike & dreamy... Reaching our, indeed in brilliant hues, in fonts that sweep & curve into our psyche to print themselves in our heartbeats & sooth or insight us to a vision or a sense... We are addicted, like junkies needing a rush of font the ice of single words conveying shine conveying loss conveying meaning far beyond the letters held bound. Your words, curl tendril soft around my soul this is what I revel in here on Neopoet, this is what I sooooo crave in song or poem when I meet this I am free you do this so often O' Thank you I feel returned back to my own centre now Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

faerybeki

17 years 2 months ago

Anni I think the

Anni I think the 'culling' you did on this one, however hard it may have been, was well worth it. For me none of the emotion has been lost, infact this trimmed version for me has way more impact! Wonderful job hon, as always! much love b xx

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

Thanks Beki, the other stuff

Thanks Beki, the other stuff was really superfluous, it should have been a letter to the person it was written for I think, not posted here as a poem, anyway it is done & I hope to learn from it. xx Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

orgami

17 years 1 month ago

Revised

can see where you have worked hard feel it in the poem streamlining a hull always danger weakness in tweaking yet pushing that envelope stetching to emotional strength and fragility in effeciency its evident here

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

The economy of a well aimed single word has far more power

Thanks O' actually this was an easy one to cull, as I said to Beki I realised the other stuff was superfluous, it was "story" just more of the same I think... I felt this was enough & better said... It's true though, I'd like to practice this more, you are so good at being succinct The economy of a well aimed single word has far more power than several clumsy ones, I am well aware, & I can be so verbose! Love the way you write your comments, they are always a pleasure. x Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."