Heavens gates.

incidentally, I have just posted a poem called "The gate to the moon", so I had to read about your "gate". And I found it a really good write, very sweet, too (and a little naughty, as Kelsey has already remarked). But, knowing me, you will not be surprised that I have found a few rough patches ;) l.2 please consider a "the" in front of "angels" for the sake of a smoother flow l.13 "easily" would be grammatically better than "easy" l.14 spelling of "unconscious" Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)

Vivid imaging written well... Nina made some good suggestions... and there is nothing wrong with naughty, or Angels that make us feel whole... enjoyed... Richard

*Some say the pearly gates are rusted that the angels can’t be trusted, that they’ve traded in their wings and now wear heels. For the love of symmetry, maybe: I say the angels can be trusted and heavens gates aren’t rusted, (because they’re making souls and dreams, and they made you.) *"in your cut offs," - Dear God, I can't believe I'm about to suggest this. This line seems too short. Also, I imagine the speaker's mind wandering off to fantasize about what is hidden by those cut offs. So, I am suggesting: "in your cut offs . . ." Now, I must go sign into a hospital b/c something is clearly wrong with me. This poem is sleek and slick.

Well, it's shorter than in the other stanzas. I suppose I'm just being all Goldilocks about it. I like the stanzas you've added. It warms my heart to see all these revisions and that you've left them for review. It's a good mix of lust and romance. Nice to see something evocative, slightly provocative and not pedantically explicit. I'd say you can let it be.

I liked the fact that the poem, regardless of revision, had a really strong voice. I could easily picture a man rehearsing this in his head over a woman. The endearing vision that this poem provoked is what won me over. While revising I have often found myself accidentally altering the voice of the initial draft...I have found that changing the voice often ruins the poem because the mood that I initially wrote it in becomes fragmented and therefore weakened. moods change everything

your new stanza is incredible well-flowing and adds to an already well-written piece. Yours, ~Nina “Like plumbers and dentists, poets are fallible, and the possibility of genuine nonsense cannot be ruled out.” (Mark Haddon)

Hi Craig, seems I caught this one late and get the 'finished' poem, it's great! :) definitely manly but still romantic! long may your roll continue ;) much love b x

love poems around the myth of heaven and all its Gates doors places (no need for windows) a smashing poem Craig love it dearly