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LC
Lenny of Cohen
Apr 03, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

We Are The Disease!

bare and open
attracting beautiful
and twisted pain

scar upon scar
layers
      of
        the
           nightmare
                    game

morose inhalation
bereave the salutations
in this mutilated shame

and the bottom line
far beneath the floor of hell
is a sobering fact
and that is this
each and every one of us
is to blame

(C)2009 Lenny Gazbowski

 

— Lenny of Cohen, Apr 03, 2009

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Country/Region: GBR

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infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 2 months ago

Lenny

First off, outstanding poem! I had a little hiccup with the last stanza: "and the bottom line far beneath the floor of hell is a sobering fact and that is this each and every one of us is to blame" - just really seems like a mouthful, and I tried reading it in different tempos. What about something like: "and the bottom line far beneath the floor of hell lies the sobering fact that each and every one of us is to blame." - Seems like it flows a little easier. Just some 2 cents... adjusted for inflation... a dime. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"The truth is, it doesn't matter what you do. 'Til you gaze in that mirror with an eye that's true. And admit that what scares you is the me in you..." - Steve Earle