With out a trace...

Beautiful write as usual. Now I'm gonna get downright serious on this one because it is so good. There are several places your rhythm falters and I will correct them as best I can. What you will see is the corrected version and you do the comparison yourself. *G* I crawl out from my hiding place, Terror written upon my face. My thundering heart, losing pace, Not even a moment I can waste. Moving with fear-laden haste, Freedom, I can almost taste. Praying they won’t try to chase, I must run to win this race. A need to vanish, without a trace. Almost shed of this horrid place, How could man wear such a face. Can I keep this awful pace, My only chance I must not waste. I run with ever increasing haste, Sweat dripping, such a salty taste. I don't see my devil giving chase, Fleeing from hell, to the human race. A ghost escaped, with not a trace. I found my way from that vile place, Will my family recognize my face. Please lord, save me from this pace. Your lessons, I will never waste. Send salvation with needed haste, The blood of Christ, I can now taste. Never again will I desert your chase, Life is more than a petty race, These Demon’s I cleanse, leaving no trace. I return to seek your grace, Seeking not to see that face. I'll make all efforts to keep the pace, Never again will my life be waste, I now understand why there is haste, Nightmare memories leave a bitter taste. No longer can my monsters chase, I'll be the one to finish this race. Praying that vengeance left no trace. As usual, take or discard as wanted/needed, but ready your out loud and then read my adjusted version out loud and see if you understand what I was getting at. *G* Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

As for your rhythm, I too am more conventional, like Brother Rett, but I also recognize that rhythms can come from many sources, including internal ones. If you feel your version is appropriate for you, by all means, let it stand! What's Poetic License for anyway, right? Anyways, great job!

Monster Killer... lol.... I liked it! especially the ending... The repetitive rhyme was (for me) a bit much, but probably just because I couldn't do it and make sense like you did... Next time those demons are chasing me I know who I'm gonna call... lol... Richard

just the thought of writing something with a similar structure has me feeling dizzy and light-headed. that must have taken a great amount of patience, I am very very impressed! and the story is really cool, too. you could get a bit darker (if you wanted, too) by catchign a similar theme in your next poem but without the rhymes. I think that rhymes always makes it a bit cuter than it is (which I love and do a lot myself). I would just love to be confronted with Evil-DD in one of your next pieces! :-) your Proprietress