Seren

Apr 02, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Retribution in Whispers

Fate caught up with him this night
Into a velvet abyss
A cloud filled sky of purple hues ,
He peered down
White mist floating into the
Bay of whispers ...

Water parting , white skin glistening
pearl essence glow's
snaked veins up her arms
brimming poison ,
deliverer of retribution ,
water sloughing off
her second skin
rising up her gown ,
purpose made
sea her seamstress
she comes with purpose ,
there is no mercy in her heart ,
bringing vengeance her sword ...

Pausing ,
A moment of fear ,
He sees her mystery ,
Promises yet to be filled
Rising higher nearing their moment ...

Hairs rise on his arms
Sweat beads his brow
His moment ,
His sins hidden for so long
Now exposed for eternity
A good father , husband ,
Nevermore ,
Murderer and assassin
Always the slayer ...

Smiling she nears
Mist flowing off
Whispers of smoke
trailing behind
Her ether tracing his form
Shiver hacks his body
Judgment entering its final phase
Justice being served

His mind racing
Deception his weapon ,
Eyes lifting meeting
Searing into his socket
Memory her first assault

Taking him back to his crime
His desecration of her body ,
her soul ,
Spearing pain of fire ,
Her soul ripped from its berth ,
Disarmed alone lost ...reunited

"Why" he moans
"Why not" She replies

Words echoing back at him ,
his words of cruelty
Eons ago it was he
That replied
"Why not"
He pauses ,
Resigned to death ,
Wraiths of fire licking him
Slowly envelop lasting tendrils ...
Her ether the last image
Seared into cornea

Fate caught up with him that night

He Fell Into a velvet abyss
A cloud filled sky of purple hues ,
He peered down
White mist floating into the
Bay of whispers ...
Accepting his sentence
Awaiting judgment
Becoming nameless

— Seren, Apr 02, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Bosscombat

17 years 2 months ago

awesome!

Jayne that was fuckin great hey! I think one of your best to date Don't know why you said you were worried about it. Top notch shit! <3

Seren

17 years 2 months ago

shhhhhh you'll wake everyone LOL

Still not sure of it , though im glad you liked it :D Thanks Matty .. mwah !! JayC x x

Geezer

17 years 2 months ago

seren!

seren! almost had to go back and make sure that was you! wow! hit me! bam! is a great read! you deserve every one of those exclamation points! you are so strong there, you should always write at midnight, if that's what we will get! loved it! beauty is a matter of perspective. gee.

Seren

17 years 2 months ago

Gee

Thanks so much .. Was very apprehensive about this one didnt know if i'd gotten it right .. My midnight madness takes me to the weirdest places LOL Glad you enjoyed it :) Sincerely JayC

professor

17 years 2 months ago

Hi JayC

The midnight hour is often it seems a good time for the poetic muse and has obviously been so it this case. Occasionally i feek the rhythm becomes just a little to stoccato although that does serve to emphasise and isolate each thought. The only other thing that didnt quite work for me was in the last verse were you have night at the end of two consecutive lines. It is a really good expressive poem though and there is incredibly strong feeling running through from start to finish. BW Keith

Seren

17 years 2 months ago

argh the second night

LOL the second night that you speak of slipped past me twice now ... Its supposed to say abyss ... Thanks for the heads up didnt notice it in the wee hours of the morning and definiatly didnt notice it with my sleep filled eyes this morning LOL ... Bw JayC

yenti

17 years 2 months ago

Justice

is seldom done in the rating, and the content of this piece. The stars fell into place and the lines were there to recieve five, as that is as much as they can recieve. You are a very expressive voice here on Neopoet with this work and if you say it was a midnight madness then you should change your hours around to make more Midnight words. Did I detect a little of you own memoriy or ways in there as if you were rubbing your hands together for justice in another region LOL You Take care under there and walk with lovein your heart,Yours Ian.T

Seren

17 years 2 months ago

A Memory of Another

It is a memory and in a way it's a tribute ... Though i didnt want it to be seen as such ... I appreciate the support , when people dont comment its hard to know if you are going in the right direction ... I feel humbled that you think its good enough for a 5 star rating ... Thanks Ian much appreciated Hope your spring is making things a little warmer up there :P Regards JayC

Seren

17 years 1 month ago

I have tweaked this a little

I have tweaked this a little hope you all like the embellishments ive made let me know if I made a train wreck of it LOL much Love JayC x x

yenti

16 years 11 months ago

Seren

I cannot even remember my own works, this is a great piece, and as I said before more stars were needed, to some it may have been hard to grasp the depth to which it took you as it unraveled, quite simular to my weak killer short story in its journey, justice is seldom seen to be done in these modern times of cheap life, but on the other side there where you have to judge all that you do on this earth plain it is real, and judging yourself then there is no escape and a person cannot blame someone else, I give you ****** stars for this piece, Yours Ian.T

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Big Smile

This was a hard piece to write it took me weeks to get it all out in some manner that made sense,its a personal write but its also out here to be judged and for you to think it worthy makes writing it all the more worth it ... Much love to both Jayne x x

Geezer

16 years 11 months ago

A little more Tweak?

A little more tweak perhaps? In reading once again I noticed a couple of things.: [1] she comes with purpose [leave this one off, you have already used the word purpose],and declared her intent.[there is no mercy in her heart.] [2]use the 's' on shiver[s] and write [r]ack his body [instead of hack his body] [3]write: her sword bringing vengence.... pausing... rather than [ bringing vengence her sword.....pausing unless you want to add the comma after the word vengence. Thought you were done with this one, eh? L and hugz, Gee.

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Gee

I am a perfectionist at heart and I will never be done till I get them right lol ... you know how it is, you want to see your kids grow up and mature and leave home well rounded people , well I try to apply the same principle to my poetry, there are a few poems I will never touch again they will stay how they are forever , more for sentimental reasons than anything .... thanks for picking up those couple of things will have a good hard look tonight when I edit I always edit and write at night my house is bedlam through the day and when you have a different kid coming to you every five minutes LOL LIKE RIGHT NOW LOL but i love them and make time for my poetry at night so I can spend most of my days with the kids and hubby ... thank you so much for coming back and having a read of this one its plagued me for months I am now determined to finish it once and for all LOL (hug) much Love Jayne xx xx