Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Adam's Response ( inspired by Ink Dragon's "Eve's Elegy")

I don't know what happened
I haven't got a clue
one minute we were in The Garden
the next we were in exile
right out of the blue

I was lying there beneath
that lordly spreading tree -
you know, the one whose pungent fruit
The Big Man told us not to ever touch -
when suddenly Eve was over me

she held out the tempting fruit
I told her no, He told us not a bite
but that secret knowing smile she has,
that soft persuasive supple voice
put my denial in full flight

So I took a little nibble
just a miniscule slice
of sweet tart juicey knowledge
I didn't think it would be enough
to drive away our innocence

But here we are outside
where Eden's just a dream
and ignorance is nothing but
a distant poignant memory
of what things should have been

Its really not so bad, although
life's hard with hungry mouths to feed
and sometimes I still rage at Him
but it could be so much worse:
just look at how He punished Eve!
— Race_9togo, Mar 31, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

More from this author

Critiques

ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Jim,

what a wonderful response! The last stanza wraps it up neatly, and you make Adam sound so astonished, like he still cannot grasp what happened. Yours, ~Nina
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

17 years 2 months ago

Nina

LOL That's how I saw him, saying to himself "what the heck just happened?" I am glad that you liked it! Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
B

Bosscombat

17 years 2 months ago

Hey jim, Awesome

Hey jim, Awesome imagery! I'm quite an avid athiest but I really did enjoy this poem. If you make an edit, maybe you could add a stanza where Adam and Eve remove their leaves and punish each other! :p just kidding. Bosscombat
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

17 years 2 months ago

Hey Boss, thanks man

About the fig leaves...I DID have it in there! LOL but I took it out, because it detracted from the last verse, which I thought was more important than the two of them getting it on! I am glad you enjoyed it, Bosscombat Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks Janice

Glad you liked it. You should read Ink Dragon's poem "Eve's Elegy" if you haven't already: it's very good, and it was the Dragon Lady who inspired me to write this! Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
Proprietress of Crimson Hearts

Proprietress o…

17 years 2 months ago

Jim,

a really amusing write. I have to agree with Nina, I just love how astounded and almost childlike you have portrayed Adam! a wonderful response to a wonderful piece. our little dragon inspires us all. your Proprietress ps: the fourth stanza doesn't quite flow like the others. I couldn't see the rhyme, but then again, it's early morning... not really the best time for me :-)
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

17 years 2 months ago

Proprietress

Good to see you back! I trust and hope that you are feeling better. I am glad that I brought a smile to your lips. That was the intention. I thought of Adam with that "deer caught in the headlights" look! Glad you enjoyed it even gladder to see your post and yes, 4th stanza doesn't rhyme too well, so I changed a word, see what you think. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race