Rett

Mar 28, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Old Woman on the Porch

Old Woman on the Porch

Old woman, I see your wizened eyes
Filmed over now by the ravages of age
Hunger burns in your aged breast
Lost children live within memory's page
Rocking in your chair built long ago.

Old woman, I see the young girl in your face
Though now it’s as dry as shucks of corn
Seared and dried by hot summer sun
Storm ravaged, battered and torn
Humming to yourself of better days

Old woman, I see the depredations of time
Lean, harsh depression years when young
Scraping to feed the babes you'd borne
The shattered dreams, the sorrows wrung
The roadmaps of austerity endured

Old woman, your sight dimmed in age
Youth long since weathered away and gone
Wrinkles and crevasses tell the story of your life
The laughter, the misery, and the love we've known
Looking forward now to the day of serene rest

I bow my head to your life experiences
Rest now, my beloved, sleep at last...

— Rett, Mar 28, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Southern Texas, USA

Favorite Poets: Dickenson, Longfellow

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Critiques

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

Thank you Julie

Shoot, if I missed your first one, I probably missed a great comment. *LOL* Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

Janice Pearce

17 years 2 months ago

Old Woman on the Porch

Rett, I had tears in my eyes when I read this, beautifully done. I feel the use of repeating the use of eyes in the first and last stanza takes away a bit from the poem. But I truly loved this one! ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks Janice P.

I appreciate it. I made a change on the last stanza. Replaced eyes with sight. I think you were right as it seems to work better. Glad you liked it. Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

Many thanks Janice H.

I really appreciate it. Very glad you enjoyed it. Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

Wafi

17 years 2 months ago

Old Woman On The Porch.

So touching...... As Janice said, exceptional. Sincerely, Wafi

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

My thanks Wafi

Glad you enjoyed it. Hope the family is well, tell them all hi for me. Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

Wafi

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks A Lot Rett,

Thanks a lot Rett, My family is aquainted with you now. They know you as a caring man from U.S who writes beautiful poetry and is my friend. Accept my family's greetings. And yeah congratulations on the AEC chair. Thanks a lot for being so caring my friend. Sincerely, Wafi

Wafi

17 years 2 months ago

And I forgot

And I forgot to tell you that Haseen has passed class three. He got the 2nd position in his class. Now a days he is so excited about his new books. Sincerely, Wafi

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

That is FANTASTIC!

Sounds like Haseen is extremely bright and is gonna be a fine student a good man! Congratulate him for me. Learning is so important, especially in the world today and a person never gets to old to learn. I appreciate the hello from your family and I wish all of you blessings and love. Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

themoonman

17 years 2 months ago

Rett...

another well written one from you is no surprise, but what is a surprise is I get to point something out... ha..lol. of course you may not agree but... I felt in the fourth stanza a tightening was in need... "with age" and "from you" both seemed unneeded to me... just suggestions mind you... I love the repeat of "Old Woman" ... you captured the pictures from the depression era very well in this piece. Richard

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

I see what you mean Richard

and I will give it some thought. To do away with one of those, the from you, will require a total rewrite of the stanza. I'm glad you liked it my friend. Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

prayersbyPatty

17 years 2 months ago

Rett

I enjoyed this one, reminds me of old pictures, also wrinkled of happy or sad times. The black and white stark. Yes, she has earned a rest. Awesome, Patty

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks Patty

I was surfing the web and found some old black and whites of scenes from the depression years. One was this old woman sitting in a rocking chair on the porch. Run down shack, holes in the porch. Her face was very lined and drawn, but you could also see laugh lines and it really tugged at my heart so I wrote this to more or less tell a story about what I saw in her face. I appreciate the kind words my friend. Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

prayersbyPatty

17 years 2 months ago

Rett

Kinda strange that I picked up on that. Your description came through to me as a black and white picture. Twilight zone.... wow. Patty

Nordic cloud

17 years 2 months ago

Shucks, do you say shucks for stooks?

The end gave me a shock, although in poetry this is the way things probably go, I hadn't expected it. I liked it too. Just thoughts around it:- Seared and dried ( repetition of dry) wonder if it could be something else, perhaps wizened? Old woman, I see the depredations of time  Lean, harsh depression years when young The lean harsh depression years when you were young Scraping to feed the babes you’d borne Scraping to fed the babies you had borne The shattered dreams, the sorrows wrung  The roadmaps of austerity endured Youth long since weathered away from you ( not fond of this line -you again) it might run into -your wrinkles...(many you's and yours. Not fond of this verse as it is. endured again? some other word-sustained or.......? a little work on thise last two lines that have such impact and should SING to me. There you are now you've got it Rett, 'scusi Ann of Norway.

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

LOL I have no idea what stooks are

Shucks are what we call the outer coverings of an ear of corn. When they are dry they turn brown and somewhat brittle. Seared and dried= seared=burned as apposed to sere which is dry and arid. So, her skin was burned and dry from the sun. In keeping with the age and time of the setting of this poem I used babes which in the old days was used a lot throughout the south here in the states meaning babies, not the more modern term babes meaning a good looking female. I also tried to keep the lines fairly short so I used more inference than writing the whole sentence out. Too many you's, I think you are absolutely right there. I will have to rethink that part. Also, will rethink the repeat of endured. I not only appreciate the read Ann of Norway *G*, but I also appreciate the time you took to make suggestions and the chance to learn/teach new/old words and the feedback. Thank you very much my Norwegian friend! Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

Nordic cloud

17 years 2 months ago

Aw shucks you're right Rett

Husks in my mind but I looked the SHUCKS up in my old worn, every-day used, Websters dictionary and that was what it said, and what you meant in my old English days! Do you say: " Aw shucks, I don't believe it?" as my family used to, I haven't heard it much since. Yours Ann

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

LOL

As a matter of fact, I do say "Aw shucks.." usually when I am embarrassed or trying not to cuss. *chuckle* So, aw shucks, you didn't have to tell me I was right, I knew it. *LOL* Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

Shonna James

17 years 2 months ago

I love this.Your

I love this. Your lines; "Hunger burns in your aged breast Lost children live within memory’s page" really got me, so sad to think that after all endured she is all that remains of her family. I did find comfort though in her "rocking" & "hummimg" and felt these as a constant through out your lovely poem.

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

Thank you Shonna

I appreciate it. I am very glad I actually achieved the effect I wanted. The same effect the picture had on me. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

LittleRedDragon2286

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Rett

that was a good piece and a very heartfelt piece towards the end =) Little Red Dragon

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

LRD Thank you

Very glad you liked it. I appreciate it. *S* Respectfully, Rett: "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905