Nordic cloud

Mar 27, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I love you still

Two versions inspired by Maggies poem in the sunset :-

I.

The burning fireball high

in the evening sky sinks down

into the sea

which glows with fiery patterns

strewn

a moving lapping music.

I see the moon.

Its all in tune

with twilight's mellow mood

and spreading wetness up the beach

carrying shells

making edges

full of weeds and debris

perfumed by the salt

the coast is warm and

there on the sands of gold

now tinted pink

I sigh.

It is at this hour

in such a place

I think of you

my love,

here

where my inner fires

burn just as bright as the

wondrous sight

of the dying day.

The ocean melts into the sky

the mountains too

loose weight

and then my mind floats in the light

to you

I love anew

anew each day

still waking feelings

not yet gone

that flood the skies of my mind's eye

and tempt me even when this sun

has drowned

into the black of darkness

Oh I cry out loud

the seagulls quiet

I love you still

when all the sunsets we have shared

constant I do love

oh love of mine

fill my mind

and welcome thoughts of you

dear you

still true, still true.

______________________________

II.

'Tis in the evening hour

when all is sudden quiet

the sun, his fiery ball

has sunken to the sea

of far horizons out of sight

'tis then I think of thee,

my love for you

so bright as this sharp light

upon the sea

makes glinting moments

tempt the thoughts of such with you

again.

I don't forget you when I stand

on this gold beach

and here in dying light I shout

my love to you

I love you still Sir Montague (name anyones?)

and loving sunsets too

remember our two

shadows walking long

whilst listening to the oceans swell and sounds

we loved beside the sea weeds

salty perfumes

shells.

The sands

now pink

the dying light

does not deny my love

for that is true

and cannot die

I love you still

though many sunsets dye

the sea dark blue

like that hot fireball

love returns to hide into the black of night

where I may love you

as I do

but out of sight.

— Nordic cloud, Mar 27, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Oslo and Flatdal, Norway., NOR

Favorite Poets: Too daunting this.

Critiques

Race_9togo

17 years 2 months ago

I like them both

But I think the first part is better, it is more intense, to me, and more modern - "'tis" and "thee" are sort of too flowery? But both are good. "It is at this hour in such a place I think of you my love, here where my inner fires burn just as bright as the wondrous sight of the dying day." This rocks. So does the last stanza of II. Great Stuff Ann Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Nordic cloud

17 years 2 months ago

What about this Jim?

"SUNSET SONG" BY LEWIS CRASSIC GIBBONS "A Scots Quair" Sunset song -" and the fairlies came swiftering out of the whisky bottle at him"p.18 "Ellison himslef began to get well stomached....and he had a red face, big and sappy and eyes like a cat, green eyes, and his mouser hang down each side of a fair bit mouth that was chokeful of false teeth awful expensive and bonny, lined with bits of gold. and he aye wore leggings and riding breeks, for he was fair gentry by then... p.19. p 20. "It had fine glass windows, awful old, the wee hall with three bit queens, not very decent - like a kirk, as window pictures. One of the queens was Faith she looked a daft, like keek for she was lifting up her hands and her eyes like a heifer choked on a turnip and the bit blanket round her shoulders was falling off her but she didn't seem to heed, and there was a swither of scrolls and fiddley-faddles all about her..." p.32. "It went dandering up the sleeping Gramprans (wind) ...with dust so that the motor cars went shooming through them like kettles under steam..." p.33. " So mother had worked and ran the parks those days, she was blithe, and sweet, you know, you saw her against the sun as though you peered far down a tunnel of the years..." p.41. " tools and implements and graips and forks... p, 43 The standing stones reared up above the two, marled and white edged with snow they were, and a wind came blowing fit to freeze the chilblains on a brass monkey..." p 126. " he looked as solemn as five owls all in one."....and cried them to supper, the storm had left off, all but a flake that sailed down now and then like a sailing gull in the beam from the barn door. On the ground the snow crinkled under their feet. p. 129.... Up in the morning's no for me, Up in the morning early, When a' the hills are covered in snaw I'm sure its Winter fairly! ...Dmn't, folk, we'll have the whimsies if we listen to any more woeful songs! Have more of you a cheerful one? And the folk in the barn laughed at him and shook their heads, it came on Chris (girl) how strange the sadness of Scotlands singing, made for the sadness of the land who had seen their lives and loves sink away in the years, things wept for beside the sheepbuctits, remembered at night in the twilight. The gladness and kindness had passed, lived and forgotten, it was Scotland of the mist and rain and the crying sea that made the songs." Aint it greaeeeet? Ann

Nordic cloud

17 years 2 months ago

Thou dost not know?

You know what, I don't like the thee's and thou's either but when the length of a line is rhythmically better for the use "thereof" I use them. They are given their reputation from the poets of the 18thC who romantically used them as affectations, originally used as the launguage of everyday, so its all a question of how one looks at it. We use don'ts and can'ts and in the future even those little quirks might go out of fashion, and there is a whole new generation of nerdy oddities creeping, rocketing into our languages and fair spinning them around on their axes until we shall even have to invent a new language. If this is getting badly spelt its because the script on this new computer of mine is so "damned" tiny, I shall have to use magnifying "spectacles" to see better. Yes we called them specs when I was little, and the "wireless" too. And on top of all this English Englishness I came to Norway and live with a Dane and they don't mince words as you probably know, I had a whole new type of vocabulary to learn, at first quite "shocking" and after a while am not bothered about it, not using such much myself. And one can laugh when the Norwegians swore badly saying "Fy the Devil" which to me was rather amusing, almost Shakespearian, specially when I had heard in England "you little devil" said to a dog with an endearing meaning. My father being born in Victoria's reign 1898, I am not surprised by my use of language. Thou and thee of course were the Quakers way of expressing themselves and without those two I don't think the Bible would have the same magic for me. Thou shalt not etc ..............and look the computer underlines them as wrong spellings!!!!!!!! So there thou art my good fellow Jim, and thou dost not dismay me one jot. Just laugh at me and I will laugh with you never fear, yours Ann Some British dialects use the thee and thou still. I think up in Aberdeenshire there are some, "Sunset Song"...........Gibbons. I should look it up, and what fun the rolling rr's and the strange word patterns they give the whole a most wonderful music of it own, full of character and wondrous amusing too. So now you have a "wheen 'o blethers" to read Jim old boy!!!!

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

My mistress of realignment, Ann,

this time it is up to me to suggest some rearranging, for instance: The burning fireball high in the evening sky sinks down into the sea and burn just as bright as the wondrous sight of the dying day All in all, you paint beautiful pictures here, but I do think the poem may be improved if you shape it up a bit. Maybe try to make it into a rhyming poem? There were many rhymes you hid somewhere, in midline or several lines later on. As for a name, there are plenty to be found in the old myths or Shakespeare´s plays, and almost everyone will have an image of the person when you use one of these names. Try to decide which of these names would fit the person you had in mind or the kind of relationship you have (had?) with them. Yours, ~Nina

Nordic cloud

17 years 2 months ago

Yes indeed

I am in no doubt that this poem needs sorting out, it was a kind of parody of Maggie's and I dashed it off trying to keep to the exact theme of hers, so the source of the imagery is hers. I shall look into these things thanking you Nina, ever on the alert and the authority too on this sort of thing. The name, well it was Maggie's so I wouldn't presume. But I can add one of my own as you say even if it is a little white lie!!!! Yours Ann