Wafi

Mar 27, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

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The deep-rooted grass
Sprouts on my heart's surface
Soon, I sickle it

— Wafi, Mar 27, 2009

Critiques

17 years 3 months ago

A fruitless behavior

but an excellent poem. I might have punctuated it a little differently. The deep-rooted grass Sprouts on my heart’s surface() Soon(,) I sickle It() Is "It" capitalized on purpose? Really, this needs no changes of substance.

Wafi

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks You So Much Arrow!

Thank you so much Arrow, my friend. I appreciate your suggestions greately. "It" was'nt capatlized on purpose. So glad it got your attention. Sincerely, Wafi

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Wafi,

I always love your short Japanese ones, you do them so well! This is a really clever write, loved the twist in its tail (Ann-inspired?). And the "deep-rooted" indicating that all your sickling will not stop it from growing! Great! Yours, ~Nina

Wafi

17 years 3 months ago

Nina

Thanks a lot my friend, for reading and commenting on it. I appreciate your thoughts so much. "loved the twist in its tail (Ann-inspired?). " sorry I couldnt understand this, can you please elucidate? Sincerely, Wafi

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Wafi,

I think you had some conversations with Ann about how a Japanese poem should work? That it will often have a little surprise in the final line? Does that make it clearer? Yours, ~Nina

Wafi

17 years 3 months ago

Yeah Nina

Yeah Nina, I got it. Ann is a wonderful lady, I learnt a lot from her regarding Japanese poems. And ofcourse it helped me much in improving my Haiko. Thanks for stopping by, Nina, your comments give me joy and inspiraiton. And congratulations on the AEC :) Sincerely, Wafi

Wafi

17 years 3 months ago

Janice

Thank you so much, my friend, for taking the time to read and comment. I always appreciate your loving comments on my poems. So glad you liked it. Sincerely, Wafi

themoonman

17 years 3 months ago

Wafi...

I am a huge fan of few words with deep-felt meanings... and with that being said I have no suggestions, just appreciation... well done! Richard

Wafi

17 years 3 months ago

Richard

Thank you so much, My friend, for reading and commenting. M so glad and encouraged to see your comment. My pleasure you appreciated it. Sincerely, Wafi

Nordic cloud

17 years 3 months ago

I liked this one too

Yes you did it this time Wafi. I have no suggestions for changing it at all. and just now I see that there are others of the same mind. Good show. Yours Ann of Norway

Wafi

17 years 3 months ago

Ann, My Friend

Ann, My Friend, thanks a lot for taking the time to read and comment on it. I appreciate your thoughts very much. My pleasure it got your attention. Sincerely, Wafi

Janice Pearce

17 years 3 months ago

Wafi

Nicely done! ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous

Wafi

17 years 3 months ago

Janice

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. Your thoughts always appreciated :) Sincerely, Wafi

Cloudthings

17 years 3 months ago

so much in those few words

Oooh this is really interesting, so much in those few words, so much in the imagery & the sense of it. I like this a lot Wafi. Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

Wafi

17 years 3 months ago

Ann

Ann, thanks a lot my friend. I appreciate your sweet and praising words so much. So glad you liked it :) Sincerely, Wafi

Cloudthings

17 years 3 months ago

Trying to vote you 5

Hi Wafi, I am having the same trouble I encountered just recently where I can't seem to put a vote in now because I didn't vote before I posted a comment, Nina says it might work if I wrote a new comment, fingers crossed then, I feel this is worth a 5 Wafi. Love it. Cheers Anni Anni ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ... Your playing small doesn't serve the world..."

Cloudthings

17 years 3 months ago

Ah there, might work now!

Just trying to vote you Anni ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ... Your playing small doesn't serve the world..."

Wafi

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Anni

Hi Anni, how are you doing? Hope everything is fine with you. Sorry for the late reply, I am a little busy now a days with my exam preps. will soon be back. Thank you so much for your generous appreciation of my poetry. So glad you like it. Love, Wafi

leoshelton

17 years 3 months ago

Love this one!

Deep, conscise, brilliant! Thanks for sharing it. Leo

Wafi

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Leo

Hi Leo, Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, and yeah for rating my poem. I am encouraged. So glad it could get your attention. Looking forward to reading your work soon. Sincerely, Wafi

Wafi

17 years 2 months ago

Welcome

Forgot to welcome you to this wonderful world of poets. Hope you will enjoy the company of poets here, like I do ;) Sincerely, Wafi

greeneyes

16 years 11 months ago

great

wow once again i loved it

loved

16 years 2 months ago

SIMPLICITY

....Simplicity in poetic parlance Is explicit And Leave everything to the reader to imagine perhaps you have had graver hurts Than what you portray At your young age… Some day you may wash off The stains of sadness With pure milk Of human kindness loved

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