Documented Life

Short snippets of memories

Run through my mind

Like mini collages

Of cinematic events

One minute fragments

Outline childhood memories

Unscripted excitement

Over the most simple gifts

Frozen frames of those teenage years

Many of those pictures would

Do well to end up on

The cutting room floor

Experimental development

Turn colored film black and white

Mistakes made

And tried to erase

All to be preserved in

Valued vaults

Stored, to be pulled at will,

As reference of knowledge gained

— Tonya, Mar 25, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

Arrow

17 years 2 months ago

*”Like mini collages” -

*"Like mini collages" - I tend to think writing is stronger without similes. I don't think you need "like" here. *I enjoyed stanza 2. That's how I remember my childhood. "Over the most simple gifts" - simplest? *"Experimental development" - great, clever line! *"Mistakes made/And tried to erase" - This reads awkwardly. Maybe some parallel structure, e.g., "Mistakes made/Erasures attempted" *"As reference of knowledge gained" - nice positive ending. This poem makes me wonder how a geriatric individual might add a stanza or two about the memories of their middle age. Poem as life review. I like the concept.

Tonya

17 years 2 months ago

Thank you for the

Thank you for the suggestions. I will certainly give them thought, taking out 'like' for sure, you're definitely right on that one. I think I had thought about some of the other things as well. (Is sometimes terrible being a Libra, we are so indecisive.) 'bout the middle age thing, hmmmmm.... i suppose it is hard to think of myself that way, although, i am sure getting there. and not that it is a bad thing, perhaps thats when we really start to peak in life, hopefully we have gain much knowledge by then. I appreciate the critique and your stopping by to read. now you have me thinking, maybe it does need one more perspective. Thanks again. Always Sincere, Tonya