A Poker Face

Matty you continue to surprise me with your many talents ... This is an awesome first piece .... And as a novice writer im in no position no review ya poem except to say dont stop .... love you brother have fun at neopoet mwahzzzzzzzzzzz Jayne-Chloe

I like rewrite hun tidies it up and it seems easier to read but that could be me lol ... hope all is well in your world ... ((((hugz)))) Love ya hun JayC x x

When you have got to the point, like your gambler, nothing left to loose, one tends to take chances. Is a very vivid picture of a smoke filled room, hard men, gambling, the give and take of the game until the luck runs out! Loved the poem and idea there. Boss, this first verse is great! You get this little rhyme going and everything, to me works well. Then we get to the second verse: There are some good descriptive words, but, a few of them seem to make the lines too long, and i think you can leave them out amd still get that gritty, dirty, gambling feeling even if they are omitted. You also have an overload of ‘ands’ and a few extra ‘tos’ I think you can drop and still have a great smooth read, keeping your flow going and easy. Then we get down to the last verse.. lines 37, 38.. Seems like a mouthful…”sweating profusely in their seats” You loose, although not a hard rhyme, you still have A bit, maybe even more of just assonance/consonance, that similar sound in the words.. I would suggest a little revision there Line 16 Eyes wide beneath glasses, Line 21 and cold Line 23 throw their enemy astray, Line 31 slumps back in his chair Line 35 he jumps to his feet Line 37 the men bound backward line 38 sweating profusely in their seats –to maybe something like…. the men bound aback freely sweating from the gamblers attack or freely sweating in their seats Line 43 all night not a hand dealt would hold Line 44 he now pockets all of the gold Hope it gives you some ideas and helps. If this is the first poem you wrote, is really terrific! Always, Tonya