I Feel

i feel that you have done a very good job. showing how you feel. thought at first that there was too much feeling, but after reading for second time.... felt that it wouldn't feel the same, without the feeling. great! keep on keeping on. gee

Nothing wrong in having so much feeling other than it can get you hurt from time to time of course. As far as this poem goes it mostly works pretty well although the rhyming couplet "help" and "yelp" feels a little contrived and further done "wind" and "sin" don't rhyme completely. There are a couple of minor other things "wrath" rather than "wraith" and in this case i think each line really needs to be the regulation 8 syllables. For what its worth perhaps it could be: I feel your wrath from up on high I feel your scorn but still you cry I feel sorrow for what we’ve done I feel your love for all our sons I feel the miserable weak I feel it's you that they all seek I feel your help they always plead I feel you give it without heed I feel your presence in the wind I feel it even when i've sinned I feel you look down from above I feel your never ending love Hopefully i feel too and you dont mind me trying to tweak this for you. It comes across as a supplicant's prayer and i assume that was your intention. All the best Keith

and if you get time to read any of my poems (please dont feel you have to though) you will see that i am very much the same and not just someone who is only concerned with the logistics of poetic form etc lol. All the best Keith

Good write and the changes do improve this piece nice avatar a dark winged Angel? Donnie/Sinbad