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Forced Exit

`



Dour faced
you stepped into a gaping precipice
leaving me with
my face moist

at the threshold
(its frame now leaning
to one side
splintered and unhinged.)

Did I tell you that my front door
never opened to the street?
Maybe I never had the need to;
you always entered through the back door,

you always crept out the window
to play in the sun.
This time was different:

Before another word could be spoken
you rushed past me
brushing my outstretched arm(s) .
Then all I could see

was your hair tumbling in the air
as your limbs flailed
while you plummeted out of my life.



`
— crypticbard, Mar 19, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: West Moreton, AUS

Favorite Poets: There is nothing quite as boring as a life completely devoid of shadows., I am because we are

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Critiques

A

Arrow

17 years 2 months ago

Here's my only criticism:

it’s frame now leaning --> its This poem has the weird real/unreal, "I'm in shock" quality I think you intended. I imagine the speaker's mouth was as gaping as the precipice. Good work.
Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks

Thanks Arrow. Glad you picked up on the 'over punctuation.' Will amend that shortly. And , yes, there is indeed that 'I'm in shock' aspect of this poem that not many get at all. I am more than pleased that at least you have noted that. Thanks again. CB
Kailashana

Kailashana

17 years 2 months ago

Lovely poem about what it

Lovely poem about what it feels to be in the moment of love lost, falling...so many wonderful lines. "you always crept out the window to play in the sun". Bravo! ~A "We have to try to get rid of the notion of time. And when you have an intense contact of love with nature or another human being, like a spark, then you understand that there is no time and that everything is eternal." Paulo Coelho
Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks

Thank you so much for your kind words, kailashana. I am honoured that you have opted to read and respond to my poetry. CB
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 2 months ago

Forced Exit

I liked this poem. I read it earlier and came back to it to read it once more. It grabed me and wouldn't let me go. Enjoyable ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous