Cloudthings

Mar 17, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Translucent selky

Your skin is still off this morningAnd if you turn in just the right lightI can see clear through
to the centre of youWith the shadows not gone from the night Life has draped itself across youSometimes a burden, sometimes a cloakIt can shield you at times
from more innocent crimesOnce or twice it has weighted your frame til it broke You hardly make noise anymore thoughAnd nobody knows how you acheYou can pass on the treasure
and cultivate pleasureAstounding how much you can take This is the place you find comfortWhere the wounds and the diamonds weepAt rest by the pools
of some other soul’s jewelsWhere the waters are dark, mirk and deep Place your hand in this place where I know youYou can wash all the sin and the shameYou can let it all go
not perturbed who might knowIf nobody knows your name Just for once I could taste warm believingJust for once let trust settle trueIn his words I felt hope,
when he let go the ropeburning my palms, slipping through Does he punish me with this absenceIn place of the sins of his mother?So numb to the fear,
if a warm heart comes nearMust he banish me like I’m some other? Ah but here I can gather my angelsgilted halos that float as they glideCarve a smile from me now,
change the story somehowI hear echos of oceans inside So whisperAll these travellersThe gypsies of the wordWeavingLines between us allIn the soft winds we have heardHere take your skinSweet SelkyI heard your song at dawnThe loneliest timeFor an ocean heartAnd each evening be reborn

— Cloudthings, Mar 17, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Australia, regional Victoria, AUS

Favorite Poets: So many... Rumi, Spike Milligan, Keats. Many of the Neopoet clan, past & present. A myriad of song writers, Dylan, Jackson Browne, Lior, & I must add the poetic influence of painters, sculptors & creators across the world... Life really, especially the sky.

Critiques

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

Cloudthings

This is a really lovely write. I was always fascinated by the Selkie stories. Isn't it amazing how so many of us are like them? Pretending to be what we're not. Putting on our skins so it seems. I loved the flow , the beautiful Rhyme scheme and the wordplay. Simply picturesque! Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

Ta Rett, Selkies are more at home in their skin far as I know

Wow, thanks Rett, know you're busy, ta for your time & feedback. Yeah, I'm a little obsessed with Sirens, selkies & mermaidy things. Interesting how we each interpret the myths though. I have never seen Selkies as being what they are not, nor putting skin on to diguise, in my understanding they are seals in their natural state & are often lured ashore & kept there against their will (most times by a male who steals & hides their skin in traditional tales) because they make such beautiful partners... But you know, there are a million versions. I have one, so sad, where the Male (unusual) selkie comes back to land to claim his son in human form from the earthly nurse who cared for him... he then predicts she will marry a man who will go hunting & shoot them both as seals. I think the thing that apeals to me (I am happy but have a melancholly heart I think) in the selkie myths is that sadly, selkies are commonly attracted to human lovers, but they will always be torn between human form & ocean life... I think I feel a bit like that for various reasons. Still, worse things happen in real life, I am well aware, mythological metaphors are easier to handle. How's the wolf land going? Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

I see it more as being skinless is more vulnerable, like writing

Hi Rett, I rewrote some bits here, but I was just answering F Beki & wrote the following, which I wanted to give you as a postscript to my response to you below because it sums up the essnce of what that Selkie reference is for me (well, on one level, there are a few really), so this is an extract of what I said to Bek ...[Quite a bit of our Neopoet tribe vulnerability in this write for me. I guess for me, we take off our skin & expose our delicate (& so beautiful) inside form when we put our work up here, so in a way we are all translucent selkies.] Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

Geezer

17 years 2 months ago

mind reader

i don't know how this was intended, but it was like you were writing just for me. the story of write, paralleled the almost exact circumstances that caused me to write the poem that i posted this a.m. i have felt a sense of loss with the events that have transpired over the last few days, and combined with having to write that poem with jason, about a mom who really doesn't care two pieces of turd about him. it's like you were inside my head. you have given me hope. that all may turn out alright. i told my wife this morning, why i was feeling low and she said that she thought that because i have made such good friends here that it would be o.k. because good friends do not abandon one and other when they are need of support. she also says she does fly in your sky through and with me. seeing how happy i am at soaring with 'cloudthings' she says brings me such comfort, that it lifts her too. always and as ever, gee.

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Gee… Glad you could

Hi Gee... Glad you could pull something out of this one, seems like a big time for you, but like everyone (me included) it's good to be reminded that "all things pass" & that you'll be in a better space again soon (oooh sounds so trite, sorry)... I think your wife 3 is wonderful, you are so lucky to have eachother. & as always feel free to take that sky friend, just cos I LOVE it so much doesn't mean it belongs to me, fly anytime, with whomever you please, I know you respect it, it is a place where we are safe to be vulnerable, I love that about all of us. We are obliged to take care of each other & we do our best. It will melt into smooth again I am sure Take care Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

Nordic cloud

17 years 2 months ago

Pure poetic music

Pure poetic music. Ann

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

Dear Ann, YOU make me sing gorgeous woman

Dear Ann, YOU make me sing gorgeous woman. What a lovely thing your life is where it touches mine xxx Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

faerybeki

17 years 2 months ago

I wept with the diamonds as

I wept with the diamonds as I read this one Anni, so beautiful, i loved it! :) and as always with your work it resonated with me in SO many ways! Much love b x

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

We take off our skin & expose our delicate insides on Neopoet

Hi sweet Beki, well, you are one of those diamonds in fact, no wonder it resonated with you. Quite a bit of our Neopoet tribe vulnerability in this write for me. I guess for me, we take off our skin & expose our delicate (& so beautiful) inside form when we put our work up here, so in a way we are all translucent selkies. But some days I feel so much like this, like I have no skin on in the world, not so much these days. Did you get the picture of the lovely big rock hugging? Maybe refresh your page? I put it up just for you. xx Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

faerybeki

17 years 2 months ago

Hey Anni, I knew it had a

Hey Anni, I knew it had a Neopoet element, infact i wrote that in my original comment but then deleted it (I'm having a weirdly insecure day today, must check the moon, it's probably full or at least filling!! :) ) You are so right about our poetry exposing our innerselves, and isn't it brave to be vulnerable? :) I totally get what you say about being skinless in the world, feeling and thinking deeply, bruising easily... Refreshed my page and.. there you are dancing on tiptoe, embracing the stone as you both float alone, yet together. Such a great pic, got me grinning like a loon (see more moon, I am a simple, watery, moon creature I think), so thank you!! :) For putting it up just for me, I thankyou again!! Much love b xx

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

Hah, of course you'd be a lovely watery moon creature!

Hah, of course you'd be a lovely watery moon creature, part of what we recognise in each other, yes? Glad you finally got to see my beautiful hugable rock... Hah, I got a message from a friend on my music page today. He's off the AVEBURY CIRCLE, for the spring equinox... (he's such a hippy, says me!), what a coincidence huh. There are wuite a few of my friend feeling a little wobbly in the last week or so. Today the moon is 43% full, I hope you are feeling better now Beki girl. Go play with your gorgeous girl & find your joy, I suspect it's never far from your heart dear one. Cheers Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

faerybeki

17 years 2 months ago

Been a busy girl and away

Been a busy girl and away from neopoet living my life and finding, amongst other things, my joy :) feel like I've missed loads though, will check out your new post soon, but just had to reply to say thankyou my moon mermaid. I love coincidences, i always used to wonder at how strange they were but these days i'm sure that's just how the universe WOULD work, isn't it? :) do hope your friend enjoyed the equinox, and you, wherever you were, i know i am grateful for the extra light :) Much love b xx

orgami

17 years 2 months ago

The song of dawn

the morning riser suns hot birth molten as a forge malleable to the heavens he spins across The Selky Yes I watched an Irish fable she found her skin her husband had hidden in the thatch of the seaside cottage she took back her newborn son for awhile It was a sweet tale something I had never heard of the skin is thin like the dreamers mare she shimmers in the cough of night the trembling winds through aspen boughs through dune grass sleeping the eye of heaven searching with the mist on her lashes like the blade of the lonely tower burning her flare let the fingers of thought sift through soft mane and still the racing heart to match the lull of the fallen waves walking through the rounded stone the sea beneath mute with promise chilled as the arms of stars beckoning in their spiritual palace the moon is hidden the pale chalice shall I ride the nights hour put wind in my soul or sleep beneath the waves with seaweed for a pillow my skin my comfort my deliverance

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

a kind of sacred language unknown to most & you are fluent

My God!!!! O' you are SOOOOO extraordinary, that is some of the most divine poetry I have ever read, oh I am reeling... How do you do that every time, more amazing..... Exquisite, truly, I am floating on it transported amazed transformed to whisps alone to breath held to wish fulfilled & glowing sated exhalation puzzle solved in sacred dreaming sleeping soft on horizon bordered aspirations these you bring to me with words alone a kind of sacred language the dialect unknown to most & you are fluent moving through the verse like honey that land, familiar terrain & scent of understanding knowing well beyond conceptual aproval I am so glad you stay safe & well, with your sweet Lori these lines you send are brilliant Ah I am in awe, in awe, in awe Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

orgami

17 years 2 months ago

your poems are places to dream from

this Selky poem transformed a mere comment into poem You did this your words spoke and I wrote an answer My Lori could write but she chooses not and my other muses are stilted or too busy or loyalties all elsewhere attention swooped up so no time to play "poet/poetess" with I no matter this Neopoet place is where I belong I see a growing interactive place where we can bounce dreams across the distance (Like that Coldplay Video of the band shinning their lights on the moon..The giant toy robot videos One I watched years ago and Loved of theirs..) and my Lori and I are safe yes thank you Cats too lounging on this snowy day beautiful though

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

I think too, your poplarity

I think too, your poplarity grows here & I am so glad you are being recognised as you should be, since I believe you have skill way beyond what you or many others actually recognise (say's me... but it IS my opinion!). Still snowing? amazing. It's Sunday, I have to go to work in a minute... made the mistake of putting on Roger Waters "Flickering Flame" & am in DEEP now, don't want to go to do any other thing but indulge, & be immersed in that full heavy passion Waters is so good at setting to burn in listeners. Thank you for your acknowledgement on my work. I do love the Selky myths & anything around water really.. Suits us, deep dwelling hearts like us. Better go... write more ... please Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

professor

17 years 2 months ago

This is a beautifully crafted

lyrical balad which i very much enjoyed in both content and form. The subject and form are very reminscent of Yeat's early work. You chop and change line lengths particularly in the last line and that feels fine in the first few lines of each stanza but the last line comes after a strong 5/6 syllable rhyming couplet which rushes you into it expecting 8 syllables and while it works pretty well with 7 or 9 as you have used in places i feel it does not do so well in one verse where you stretch it to 12: "Once or twice it has weighted your frame til it broke" The last free verse stanza is a pretty good poem as a stand alone, but coming after the strong lyrical first section of the poem i found myself expecting to have a strong rhyme as well so perhaps for me that didn't quite work. Anyway just my thoughts which you can take or leave My best wishes Keith

Cloudthings

17 years 2 months ago

"Killing off the babies"

Hi Keith, thank you for this feedback, always valuable in my book, I was shocked to find this work in the spotlight (as I was on the last occassion) it seems to me the works I write that are instant "blah" splayed onto the page tend to be chosen even though I feel they might be more sloppy (not that I mind that too much). As for the longer line I think it is another case of me writing as if for song which is my want, in which case extended syllable/phrasing count can add emphasis to the piece, & is the case here I felt given I feel this line is a key in the work. However I take the point & am most happy to review the whole form with your comments in mind... I came across a saying on the radio 2 days ago, a writer spoke of "killing off the babies" (horrid term, but relevant here), so I will play with it. The later section you mention does actually rhyme, you may just have missed it the way I set it up (again, for emphasis), if I set it up as follows you can see it better. So whisper - All these travellers - The gypsies of the word Weaving - Lines between us all - In the soft winds we have heard Here take your skin - Sweet Selky - I heard your song at dawn The loneliest time - For an ocean heart - each evening be reborn It's nearly 2am here, I may have to wait & edit the poem tomorrow Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."