Nights Dreaming

The rhyme scheme is good. There are several places, especially the second stanza, where the rhythm slips. The first stanza is perfect, but the second and fourth have some rough spots. My advice that I give to everyone is to read your poem out loud like you were reading it to someone. Wherever you stumble on the wording is where the rhythm is suffering. Adjust that line and re read. Adjusting each place you stumble until it reads smoothly. With a little work on the rhythm I think this poem will be really beautiful! Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein

seems as though i am agreeing with 'rett' yet again. you won't get better advice from anyone, she is very astute. heh.. sounds like i am name calling. but seriously though, you really have something there. good work! gee. "keep on keeping on."

Just a nice enjoyable poem. Maybe a couple rough spots but still good writing. As one who spends a lot of moonlite nights working it really strikes home thanks!

The milkman comes THE (and) baker bakes ? The sandman comes to SEE (to visit) the sleeping Brings them dreams FOR (only of) their keeping Darkness hide (me) and keep me from harm. Just thoughts I have, that you could better ? Yours Ann of Norway

Yes I agree I think that to call myself a poet is pretentious, I think stuff describes it well, time will tell if one publishes something and the general public like, then one can perhaps call oneself a poet. Anyway what is it all and who really cares what its called we love doing it and can enjoy just that, especially when one feels one has expressed oneself as one wished and made some kind of whole with it. There's a lot of peotential(! just misspelt this and leave it so!) in your 'stuff' Serene lady. Who are you you human angel with the too long wings swirling in the hurricane of life's joys? Rocks, water, sand and wind lit by 'heavenly' light. Do you depict a muse, or are you only amusing yourself, with the thought of flying? Yours Ann of Norway on the wings of the eagles.

for the belatedness of my look-see here. And now that I am here, here goes. Nice piece, much promise. I proffer below a few tweaks of my own that might strike a fancy or two of yours. (I can only wish for such.) Darkness falls [] a gentle touch God I love this time so much Our world so weary all [so] tired [And here] my soul is feeling fired In the night the creatures creep Whilst you [lie so] fast asleep The milkman [comes,] baker bakes All this [] done before you wake The sky so dark[,] [] moon so bright I watch the [deep'ning] of [this] night []Sandman [stops to see those] sleeping Brings them dreams [but] of their keeping Dream take me on your moonlight train [That] I might fly [once] free [] again Night fold me in your smooth dark arms [And darkness] hide me[,] hold [] from harm All yours, Chuck

Darkness lifts her gentle touch spreads a canvas , Grey’s retouched..............who is the Grey? it is a capital & seems to stop the flow being so. our world so weary all so tired sunset bows to be admired If I, dare I? Darkness lifts her gentle touch .................her canvass spread with greys retouched........almost repeated touch!! .................our day so weary now retired .................see sunset bows to be admired Among the trees night creatures creep as twilight holds a lasting peep the sandman visits souls in sleep dreaming forms our breath so deep Why DARK moon? Heaven's moon her colours slight I watch the sinking of this (dark)night velvet trails across the sky weave/whisper soft threads into my chi Alighting on your midnight train in flawless flight we glide again night swathe me in your smooth dark arms lull me with your deep mystic charms Oh gracious, I am just playing around for you here with love Ann of Norway

It is serene. I do so love the sunset taking a bow the canvass spread with greys; the velvet trails across the sky.........and more I think you caught something special here and those who see it can relate to this very much. Great fun, I felt i was a little encraoching on your territory but so what, in the end you have made something worth the reading. I am no expert at the laws of poetry i just write as I think and its there, good or bad, many times surprise myself at myself, where did I get that? How could I write that? Strangely fascinating those brains we have aren't they? Looking forward to more from you Seren, your Ann of Norway.

Now you have it. And so wonderful for me to see. Thanx, Chuck