Farewell

`

grief belies this despised state
hunched upon shuffling feet
pondering the crunch of
browned leaves

grief burrows this dessicated soil
hidden beneath scurrying paws
forgetting the crush of
billowy waves

grief bruises this demented breath
hollowed out withered lips
releasing the fluttering wings
cotton-downed doves

grief bellows across horizons
herding the flock from grazing
shackling the gates
embracing the nightfall

`

— crypticbard, Mar 15, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: West Moreton, AUS

Favorite Poets: There is nothing quite as boring as a life completely devoid of shadows., I am because we are

Critiques

poewriter58

17 years 2 months ago

Bard

Excellent use of words . Well done Chrys

Frederick Kesner

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks Chrys

It's so good to hear from you. Cheers, Bard

Nathaniel Radcliffe

17 years 2 months ago

Great condensed imagery.

A good lesson in compression, well done. You've used some nice repetition and other sound-patterning, I like it. The only advice I would give is, although you convey some strong impressions, with great imagery, perhaps you could work on more of a structure/flow to the poem. You have the opposite problem to me, sometimes my poems have almost no imagery at all, but they always say something! Good work, keep it up. Nathaniel Radcliffe.

Frederick Kesner

17 years 2 months ago

Wow

Thanks for that feedback, Nathaniel. It was very helpful and enlightening. Cheers.