Woe Is Me (not for the faint of heart)

Here I sit all broken-hearted
tried to shit, and only farted.
Went for a walk to move some gas
in hopes of a more productive ass.

As I went along my way
in front of me, an alligator lay
To him, I said "you're in my way."
To which he replied, "oh? you don't say?"

Followed by a "well we can fix that!"
the last sound I heard was his jaws which went snap.
So here I am now going through his digestive tract
and it all boils down to one simple fact.

I wouldn't be alligator food, and I wouldn't have been bit
if only my fart had been a shit....

— infinite_dwarf, Mar 12, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: E.A. Poe, Lewis Carroll, Charles Bukowski, Michael McClure, Lawrence Ferlenghetti.

Critiques

infinite_dwarf

17 years 2 months ago

DD

I would say that only a very small percentage of my work is autobiographical. Most of the time, just really weird stuff crosses my mind, and I think: "gee, that makes for a good poem!" Sometimes the filter between my brain and my mouth (or in this case, fingers) doesn't work as good as is should. Luckily, this time, it seems the gamble has worked. Thank you. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"All day and night music, a quiet, bright reedsong. If it fades, we fade." - Rumi

Conect11

17 years 2 months ago

it's like you crossed

the poetry of Chuck (barbsdad2003) with the Golgothan demon from the Kevin Smith film, "Dogma." And the results are hilariously disturbing! I want to sarcastically thank you for bringing toilet humor where it belongs... the Everglades, wait, no, back into art! This whimsical piece (I won't call it cute, but whimsical will suffice) has me in freaking stitches, which given the subject matter, I should probably disinfect now. Mark W. "our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers." 1 Timothy 4:10

infinite_dwarf

17 years 2 months ago

I do what I can....

thanks, Mark. I'm not always so demented and weird... really! Glad to give you some giggles - I did my job. I shall flush the poetry toilet, and let this one rest where it belongs. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"The truth is, it doesn't matter what you do. 'Til you gaze in that mirror with an eye that's true. And admit that what scares you is the me in you..." - Steve Earle

infinite_dwarf

17 years 2 months ago

Janice

Nah. I meant those that would be offended by crude language and subject matter. I actually wrote this while trying to go to sleep, and dang it, fell asleep before I could write it down. The original was much better. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"The truth is, it doesn't matter what you do. 'Til you gaze in that mirror with an eye that's true. And admit that what scares you is the me in you..." - Steve Earle

Kailashana

17 years 2 months ago

I’d love to get inside

I'd love to get inside your head.... there's got to be a Stephen King....lurking, trying to find his way out... LOL. You rock! (your husband and cat are fearless ;-) ~A "We have to try to get rid of the notion of time. And when you have an intense contact of love with nature or another human being, like a spark, then you understand that there is no time and that everything is eternal." Paulo Coelho

yenti

17 years 2 months ago

This one

was nearly a load of Crap if it hadn't been for that Aligator, we don't have those roaming around here so we just chuck up LOL. Lovely fun piece for a change, this means I can put on one of mine called "the backend of a horse" You Take great care out there, Yours Ian.T

Nordic cloud

17 years 2 months ago

You crackers girl

This was almost a nonsense poem but ,clothed in decency, is not!! Ann of Norway

poewriter58

17 years 2 months ago

Jess

OMG how funny is this poem Gee wonder what prompted this one Mom