Broken Wishing Tree

it is too late! Cause now I like you because of your writing... this is a very good poem here and I am glad to have had the chance to read it... you have some memorable lines in this... loved it! I would have titled it something else, but it is a very good poem... Richard

I like the broken wishing tree very much in the poem, and it is a very catchy title that may draw in some reads...but does it follow the theme? I mean, it does, but only a small part... your first title actually followed the theme closer... but then there is the question of how important is that? To some it is and to others it isn't... a matter of taste I think. I was thinking something like "Out of Need" but I can't say I would change it from the "Broken Wishing Tree" (it is very catchy, isn't it) I guess I'm not being much help am I... choosing a title is sometimes harder to come up than the poem... I will be looking for your next post... Richard

Hi B, I can so fully relate to what you were saying & can feel into this poem... there are some bits in there that squeeze a mind to have them fit in a similar way I find in my own poems, & for what it's worth, I found myself in really familiar self dialogue at a couple of lines & came to the same lack of conclusion I do with mind. I certainly don't feel I have more skill than anyone else, but maybe as a persoective just have a look at... (wouldn't change the first stanza, by the way, great as it is, for me) For the yesterdays too and the now, (for.. could lose this?) it helps me through some how. It aids my remembrance, enhances my vision (and... could lose this too?) brings me to a place of acceptance. For the dark and the light, for my beautiful daughter. For suicide, birth and the warm arms of laughter. (brilliantly done these) (For... lose?) longlasting friendship (and.. comma instead?) imminent disaster, for love..in all it’s guises. (I quite like the change in pace & meter, I tend to do the same, though I'm not sure how other's feel) Wisely leading me to a broken wishing tree to lay down my words, my hurts and my hopes, to open my hands and my heart. For my sometimes ineloquent, (frequently... you could try oft' here but the style might not suit you, not sure it would me either, but the line timing is a little cumbersome & I like the words you've used, but it does throw out the reading a bit, a one syllable word would fit better) self-indulgent, life giving, life saving, life worth living Art is what aids me, it’s my therapy, it’s my thinking, a drinking in of arrival. (Love the flow & sentiment in these last lines, gorgeously wrapped up). I hope it's ok to explore these with you, I really enjoyed the poem as it is & can see why you used the words you did, sometimes there's such a sacrifice in changing words to "fit" better, it's something I bump into a bit in my own work & sometimes I just leave it as is, because the sentiment of the word is more important than the smoothness of the read. Anyway feel very akin to this process & the sentiment you have put down. Nice to have read you, I've been meaning to for ages. Cheers Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

this is beautiful. sadly, anything else i write will pale in comparison. -sha

more of your writing and am glad I have gotten a start. I must admit, the title of this one caught my attention. and I think it fits well. How many times do our words reflect our wishes? I read the discussion about the title between you and Richard, glad you changed it to that. The subject is great. Especially to one who writes. It certainly represents so many of our feelings. I thought Anni gave you some great tips, and I was glad to see you used some of them. I liked that you left in the ‘and’ in verse 2, last line. To me, kept that verse from being too sing- songy. Longlasting should be long-lasting or long lasting. Last thing… I agree with Anni about the 4th verse,4th line, I think ‘oft’ the one syllable, flows and sounds better than ‘often’. These are small things in such a wonderful poem. Totally loved it. The lines, … are great, so many of the reasons we write, very creative too. Wow, glad I stopped by! Well done! Always, Tonya

How the hell did I miss this before!? What a fool I am. Nevertheless, I love it! Love it with a fist pumping, head nodding, resounding yes, yes, y-e-s, yes! That is intent in truest form. I can't express how well done this is. Better late than never, -Nathaniel