Seeded visions

This poem seems like a list of poem ideas, the logical flow of thoughts a bit fragmentary, so that the reader is not quite sure what you are wanting to tell us. The visions flashing separately are nice to see. If it came in a flow you need to decide a little bit, how the story will go and the following of ideas through it. We are in mountains steams one minute and there are roses in the next, then forests, as you see a bit muddling. But beautiful. Even the Venus-mountain! If you pull it together you will have a most beautiful poem here. Not fond of "longing arms" beseeching, no ? The yellow roses that set you afloat, could be dream-like and the petals be the boat you float on, otherwise its illogical. Daring the forest...is it the forest that wishes to get lost? I am glad we are confined in our skins. June is Summer. "not wanting to let each other out of OUR site( = sight)The "our" is odd here. "Climbing to the..". these two lines should be so beautiful that we feel we are doing the same thing, something..I don't know what, as its you who are doing it....? souls resurrection.....deep in our soul .....repitition can be all right but... Do you need "raise"? The last line ...me and you .... Now I have told the 'raw truth' about how I feel here and I hope I shall not have to make a bee-line for the nearest yellow rose and hide myself in it! Yours respectfully Ann

Seems Ann got everything taken care of before I managed to get my lazy butt here to do anything. A fine job now and a really awesome poem. A virtual masterpiece. I have to give you a five of five. No way around it as it is that good! Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein

Enjoyed the poem. There's a few grammatical problems. Or at least they seem as such to me. I will copy it with corrections I would make: Hot like a fire and bold as rich red wine, sweeping me off my feet each, 'n' every time. Near a mountain stream on a sandy bank, (It) was our garden of Eden, (but) without the snake. I was hooked like a fish, happy to be caught, like moths around a flame that we both sought. Stolen yellow rose waits, inviting me to a explicit tryst, as my native brave calls to me from across the abyss. We wandered among the pines, wishing to get lost. Asking the earths spirits to name their eternal cost. With a full moon on a clear summer night, each not wanting to let the other out of site. Ritual body cleansing and personally sacred vows, witnessed only by the trees and a wise forest owl. Both of us wearing only our confining skin, his tender love guiding me from deep within. We asked Mother cedar to give us her blessing, while making sensuous love and barely resting. Lustfuly wrapping each other in fevered arms, so open and trusting we could never do harm. Asending to the pinnacle of our inspired mountain, both sharing visions that flow as from a fountain. In that blinding moment of our total perfection, the stars take notice, sending one for resurrection. Passion keeps coursing from deep with-in our soul, as a Seed is planted that will change our eternal role. We were sent a blessing from the wise ones up above, a precious daughter for us to cherish, raise, and love… So fairy tales and happy endings are so rarely ever true, but our love story was delivered from (the) Heaven's eternal blue. Words that I would remove or add are in perenthesis.

I love your witnesses to your tryst... of course now you have all that have read this exciting piece as witnesses too... lol... Well deserving for the spotlight position! Richard

Julie This senual tender intimate rhyme compelled was I from start to finish I can relate to an experience such as this and it stays with you no matter for eternity As you say since joining Neopoets I am learning so much. I have found it difficult not to answer a poem with just a comment as they again become new poems of which i have no control driven to do. because the words above you have written the images so alive are they and fill me so with such passion tenderness wonder bringing back feelings to me always You my friend are a mistress of such wonderment. Maybe one day I can achieve such wonders too. Always Electric Blue