faerybeki

Feb 27, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Harbour of Love

the coming and the going of this raging winter sea,
the waxing and the waning of an overactive moon,
an ever present soon, feeling tides and having phases,
the poetry of ages enters the disturbance, unseen.

Within the realms of possibility
there's a sudden, unsettling sense of tranquility,
a man who can gain a smile with a word from his soul,
a new seed from an old tree, still harbouring life..

But life needs a harbour of love.

I'm a harbourer of love and a bringer of life,
but that smile was a lie and now it is I who is raging.
I am here, in the silence, something, somewhere
between heart-hope and heart-breaking.

I am the moon, having phases,
waning and waxing, over reacting, empty and full.
In and out like the tides, rising and falling, pulled from above,
I'm reaching for shore, still hoping for love.

— faerybeki, Feb 27, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Critiques

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Beki,

the two parts definitely go together, but it broke off just when I wanted more! Do you think you can make the second stanza grow a bit? I would also like to suggest a different arrangement of the lines in stanza one: "the coming and the going of this raging winter sea, the waxing and the waning of an overactive moon, an ever present soon, feeling tides and having phases, the poetry of ages enters the disturbance, unseen." What do you think? Regards, ~Nina

faerybeki

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks

thanks for the advice, definitely like the new arrangement, will edit the poem as soon as i can!! will also see if i can write some more... Cheers Nina!! take care b x Ps. Found it quite hard to add to this poem as my original inspiration dumped me recently!! That might explain the change in tone in 2nd part of poem, i'd be interested to know what you think of last 2 stanzas, and whether it all ties together ok? thanks b x

yenti

17 years 3 months ago

Beki

Please forgive the intrusion into your world, underneath I have inturpreted your words, and reasembled them a little differently. I know this is not the way you work, but it is an interferring guide to a change in layout or whatever. I would like to see your way of putting this together now that both, the Ink Dragon and myself, have been so liberal with our own words. Just say Buzz Off to us but there is so much that you are saying in your work and I think we would just like the best for you. I Am Here This is where you may see just me With the coming and the going Of this raging winter sea, Where the waxing and the waning Of an overactive moon, I am, an ever present soon, There I am feeling cooling tides Joining and having soft phases, With the poetry of silent ages I enter the disturbance, unseen. Within the realms of possibility It's me there, with suddenly, An unsettling sense of tranquility, Me a man, who can gain a smile Silent, with a word from this soul, Born a new seed from an old trees bole, Still harbouring life but very Free.. With great respect, Yours Ian.T

faerybeki

17 years 3 months ago

Thankyou for your input Ian,

Thankyou for your input Ian, it is a most welcome intrusion!! I'm liking your interpretation, particularly the way you have made it more personal with use of 'I'. Will work on it some more, with all advice in mind!! Take care b x Ps Have added to my poem and borrowed your idea for a title. would welcome more intrusions and look forward to seeing what you think of this work in progress!! cheers b x

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Great, Beki!

I´m impressed with your revisions, I love how the last stanza echos the first! Now it reads like a finished piece, and a really great one at that! I love your use of assonance and the way you casually dip in and out of rhyming. Looking forward to your next piece, ~Nina

faerybeki

17 years 3 months ago

Thankyou!

Thankyou Nina, it's been a real eye opener to have feedback on my poetry and go back and work on it again! just what i was hoping for from this site, brilliant!! Am so happy someone likes it!! Hooray! Thankyou so much! b xx Ps, loved your sonnet!

Craig Norris

17 years 3 months ago

I like the rythme..

I didn't get to read this early but I like where its at, between heart hope and heart break, such a wide field, and that's a great joining, "the unsettling sense of tranquility". Craig.

faerybeki

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks,

Thanks Craig for reading and commenting, much appreciated! So glad you liked it. Will try and read some of your posts today if i get a chance!! Thanks again, take care b x

professor

17 years 1 month ago

Hi Beki

Am trying to read a few more of yours and this was the first one that caught my attention and its very good. Definitely from the heart and i always love moon and tides imagery. You know by now that i am always critical in my approach to poems no matter how good they may be and with this one I really have only one issue and that is with the over long first line of the second verse. It would not be too difficult to cut out a few syllables and make the whole verse flow better. And finally, and more importantly of course,I hope you do find the kind of love you seek. BW Keithx

faerybeki

17 years 1 month ago

Thankyou so much Keith for

Thankyou so much Keith for taking time to read some of my older posts, it means a lot, glad this one caught your eye, it's one I quite like. I do completely understand what you're saying about that line, but for some reason, unbeknownst to myself I am rather attached to it :) what if I split it, making 2nd verse 5 lines? could that work? It's hard sometimes isn't it, sacrificing your words for the sake of better flow or rhythm, in this case I'm not sure I'm ready to but will def give it more thought! Thanks again for your comments and your criticsm, they are welcome here, respected and appreciated! :) also thanks for your hoping I find the love I seek, how lovely of you Keith, although at this time in my life i'm not sure I'm actively seeking it but more hoping if I live right and with much love, it will perhaps find it's way to me! much love b x

professor

17 years 1 month ago

Yes Beki

you could break the line after possibility and make it into a rhyming couplet I guess. Might make it easier to read. As for love there is only one important thing to do and that is to keep yourself open to its possibility. Its not always about being an active seeker but it is about being receptive to it and grasping it fiercely with both hands when the opportunity arises....and yes of course that can get you hurt big time but for me at least turning your back and protecting yourself from it is a form of living death. Keith x

faerybeki

17 years 1 month ago

Keith, have made the break

Keith, have made the break where you suggested, same place I thought it might work, also left the 5th line of that verse to stand alone which seems to have me toying with the idea of changing the title to 'Harbour of Love', what d'ya reckon? I'm with you on love keith, I've always been willing to risk the hurt and grasp the opportunity with both hands, often far too quickly. I hope your bravery and openess has been/will be rewarded (for want of a better word) and that your life be full of love. B x

professor

17 years 1 month ago

Yes Beki

i do agree "Harbour of Love" is a much better title and the poem is improved with the line break. And ty for expressing hopes for my success in love so sweetly. Keith x