Alive again

and the disconnected feeling actually works well in the introductory read, though truth be told as your first poem here I as a reader am looking to relate this to someone, and don't have it. As you post more poetry on the site, though, I'll probably be able to see where this fits in. You're a bit sloppy on your grammar and editing, end of line two "did" looks like you misplace an "l" for the "i", end of the first stanza the "whats" wants an apostrophe. I love the intellectual quality of this, like instead of being emotionally attached to this salvation you have, you've decided to study it (him, her, whatever) and find its flaws. Your ownership of this poem is mostly good, though tends to flag off with phrases like "This is my redemtion," "This is my resurrection." The lines there aren't bad, but kind of jar with the rest of the work. I think if you make them more personal, ie., "you're my redemtion," etc then you might find that disconnect is bridged. Mark W. "our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers." 1 Timothy 4:10

I really connected with your poem and enjoyed reading it! i actually like The last few lines, 'This is my intervention/redemption', it's like poem itself has intervened! it's not another person that is redeeming you, you are in some ways choosing to redeem yourself, if that makes sense? I am new to the site too and still getting to grips with it, infact this is the first poem i have commented on! Take care and keep posting b x

Hey girl! Awesome first poem you posted. As you write you will find that the dark places of life often make for the best poetry. Most of mine are of my dark places. I like how hinest your are with emotions in this poem; no added words or imagery to distract from the bluntness and reality of what you were feeling when you wrote this. Keep writing, I'd love to c more!! Your new friend, Katie

As I have commented on your second piece in depth, all I would like to say on this one is, that once you step outside of the arena you are in and live as you know you are going to your poetry with the flow and the expression will be of the highest level, and I look forward to reading it, Yours Ian.T