You'd Fallen Down

You’d Fallen Down Sometime last night,or early this morning, reallyI thought about youmore concisely than I hadin over a decade. I thought about you while I slept,that is, I dreamt. You’d fallen downand didn’t expect me to be there,or I, you. When I helped you upI figured that would be it. Then you fell again,and I attempted to call an ambulance for you.I have no idea if it made it there. In both of those cases, you were with menext to me, tangible. The third time, you called me.You said “I need you again, come pick me up.”I replied that Alaska is a long ways away,to get there would take five hoursif I hopped a plane right now.Funny thing is,it’d take closer to 12, if I remember. When you fell a fourth timeyou insisted I call another ambulance.I remembered you weren’t even in Eagle River anymorewhen you gave me the number to the base’s infirmary.Over here, it was Sundayand strangely, nobody answered.What kind of a hospital is that? Do not worry,I’m not even deluded in my sleep,you moved away many years ago;I heard it in your voice in Oklahoma,your bags were packed before you left Ohio.

— Conect11, Feb 26, 2009

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Critiques

Arrow

17 years 3 months ago

Wow,

I'm not sure what it is about this poem but it almost moved me to tears. There is something about the beginning, esp. lines 2 and 7, that has an overly intellectualized quality, which gives me the impression of someone really struggling to contain their emotions. Maybe that's it. The poem is quiet, matter-of-fact but roiling underneath. There are some mechanical boo-boos. I appreciated this at an emotional level. Thanks.

Conect11

17 years 3 months ago

thank you Arrow,

didn't see the mechanical boo boos before, hopefully I got them all fixed. It was weird that I dreamt about her, hadn't thought of this woman in years. Strangely enough, this wasn't about how I used to feel, it felt more cerebral and abstract. (The dream, that is) Glad you appreciated it :) Mark W. "our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers." 1 Timothy 4:10

Proprietress o…

17 years 3 months ago

dreams

oh Mark, how strange they can feel! sometimes I wonder if our minds are not intertwined when we sleep. I love dream poetry. you somehow manage to capture the surrealness of your dream in your words. your Proprietress

Conect11

17 years 3 months ago

Thank you Kata!

I felt like I was still in the dream, or at least its haze when I wrote this. Strangely I usually feel more comfortable in reality, but here I wanted to keep that feeling. No, not of the subject matter of the dream itself, but in the hazy feeling it evoked in me afterwards. I am thrilled that you read this. :) Mark W. "our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers." 1 Timothy 4:10

Stella

17 years 3 months ago

I know this feeling Mark,

I know this feeling Mark, I've had dreams about people I used to be very close to but hadn't thought of in ages and all of a sudden they come back to you in a dream... I always wonder why though... Dreams can be haunting like that but also give you a sense of closeness to that person again.. I don't know... Anyway... I think you've captured that feeling perfectly Mark and I agree with Arrow that it makes for an emotional read for some reason. I like you writing in a 'haze'! ~Stella

Conect11

17 years 3 months ago

thanks so much Stella,

it is a strange feeling, to have someone you don't think about too often pop up like that. With Facebook and Myspace now, I actually have reconnected with this person, but only in the loosest sense of the word. We tried chatting once, and we're just not the same people. Not something I necessarily think is tragic, but there's a heaviness none the less. I wrote a poem a couple of years back about the same girl, called "First Loves Die Hard," that was also about her, or rather, more specifically was about that period of my life. Mark W. "our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers." 1 Timothy 4:10

LissaMine

17 years 3 months ago

Sad story Mark

But very well written 5/5 from me! Lissa I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.

infinite_dwarf

17 years 3 months ago

Mark

Dreams are freaky weird sometimes. Remind me never to visit that hospital that you mentioned in your poem. Doesn't seem like I'd get top-notch care there, eh? As Kata mentioned, it's very difficult to incorporate the surrealness of a dream onto paper, but you managed to do it, and do it well. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"Three things that take forever to get here: birthday, Christmas, and the pizza delivery boy." - Garfield the Cat

Conect11

17 years 3 months ago

thank you Lissa and Jess!

I'm not sure I'd want to get treated at that hospital, either! Mark W. "our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers." 1 Timothy 4:10