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Ink Dragon

Feb 22, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Bursting

My heart is no toy
do not play with it
It breaks too easily
into countless shards

My heart is like china
of the see-through kind
Handle it with care
or it might shatter

My heart is not empty
but filled with previous pain
Its contents are precious
kindly do not spill them

My heart is too full
there is no more room
Just one drop plopped in
and we might drown in the emotions

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yenti

17 years 2 months ago

A full broken heart

Maybe it is better to have it leak some of that pain out, such a burden to carry This is a good write just a little jumpy, as you said with a little attention it will be smooth and run freely. Surround it with love that only a child can give, and you will see that it will be full again, of love not pain, Yours Ian.T

S

Stella

17 years 2 months ago

Dear Nina, I like the idea &

Dear Nina, I like the idea & theme of this poem and I can see why you're fond of it but I think it could do with 'smoothing' to receive proper Nina-status! ; ) As of yet, I don't have any specific suggestions to be honest. The symbolism is great so maybe it's just the flow of the words.... Will have to come back! love, ~Stella

I

17 years 2 months ago

All,

thank you for your comments, but I am not happy with this one. I think Stella is right about the flow. Any suggestions? Anyone? I would be truly grateful. Yours, ~Nina

Kailashana

17 years 2 months ago

My heart is not a toy to be

My heart is not a toy to be broken again My heart is like fine porcelain, so easy to see through My heart shatters in the light rivers of my being in your open hands... Much Love Nina. ~A "We have to try to get rid of the notion of time. And when you have an intense contact of love with nature or another human being, like a spark, then you understand that there is no time and that everything is eternal." Paulo Coelho

I

17 years 2 months ago

Anna,

thank you so much for dropping by and reading. You know, I think I will actually use some of your ideas for my revision. Much love, ~Nina

Kailashana

17 years 2 months ago

cool beans, Nina. ;-)“We

cool beans, Nina. ;-) "We have to try to get rid of the notion of time. And when you have an intense contact of love with nature or another human being, like a spark, then you understand that there is no time and that everything is eternal." Paulo Coelho

17 years 2 months ago

Nina

I agree with Ian, maybe a little leakage isn't a bad thing. Nice little piece - I'll think it over, and try to come up with some suggestions for expansion; even though I think it stands well on its own. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"Last night, I laid in bed looking up at the stars, and thought: "where the hell is the ceiling?!"

I

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Jess,

thanks for your reassuring comment. Suggestions would be very welcome! Yours, ~Nina P.S. I love the new tag!

Proprietress of Crimson Hearts

Proprietress o…

17 years 2 months ago

Nina,

I like the content and meaning of this peice, the general metaphors. what needs to be changed is the language, I think. as Stella said, it needs to be more Nina-like. you have such a wonderful way with owrds, you know I admire that about you. try to take this poem as a basis. insert new word for old ones, expand the ideas. basically I think that is just what Anna did (and she did it quite well!). try thoughtflowing this one, thoughtflowing the lines which need more color and life. the right words will come to you. they always do, my friend. your Proprietress

I

17 years 2 months ago

I miss you, my little muse!

Thanks for offering your help with this one! It is much appreciated! Love, ~Nina

C

17 years 2 months ago

Nina,

It may just be me, but I read the previous pain and the precious contents as one, so is this heart holding on to those pains..if so would it be fragile or perhaps inured? Do like the lack of smoothness though, to me it seems to reflect the chop of emotions. Craig.

I

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks Craig,

I think you´re right that the lack of smoothness reflects the pain... And you read the previous pain and the precious contents exactly how I wrote them. Yours, ~Nina

L

LissaMine

17 years 2 months ago

A heart is a very powerful thing..

And I think no matter how much pain it has been through, or how badly it has been treated... there is always room in your heart to love again. I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.

I

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Lissa,

Your comment is very encouraging, thank you so much! Yours, ~Nina

I

17 years 2 months ago

All,

I have made a few changes, but Kata made me realize that the simplistic language is quite intentional and the last line is the culmination point.(Ha, that was so subtle that even I was not consciously aware of it!) I am still looking for a different title, not sure about "Bursting"... Yours, ~Nina

S

Stella

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Nina, I love the new

Hi Nina, I love the new title 'Bursting (My heart is no toy)' very powerful, grabbed my attention straight away. I can't really put my finger on what I would change about the lines because I think it's just a matter of style or personal opinion. The message is very strong and definitely comes across because your writing is always very strong and clear. Maybe it's that I'd like the lines to be a little longer... 'My heart is not a toy do not play with it or sling it over your shoulder it'll break so easily into countless little shards...' But again this really is very subjective because you might hate this style! ; ) And you mentioned that the simplistic language is intentional so there you go... But 'bursting' is excellent... (heart pounding & beating and bursting with emotion, hurt ... ) ~Stella

I

17 years 2 months ago

Hi my dear Stella,

Kata said something similar, she told me yesterday that the words were those of an angry, hurt girl, and that she was missing the grown up woman´s voice in this piece. This made me realize that the only place where there is the adult voice (the poet´s voice, one could say) is the last line, and that I could not change much about the stanzas, the only option would be to add more lines after the last one... But the last line is (yet) just a hope, nothing has happened to this heart since I wrote this poem (except maybe that is has finally started healing)... So "everything is in limbo" where my heart is concerned ;) Yours, ~Nina

17 years 2 months ago

I just love it!

As it is short, neat, succinct and uncluttered with poetisisings (not English). As Stella says 'strong and clear', I agree. This heart I can see as a vessel with the red blood almost spilling, even higher than its edges, full of a big question - what next? I think if you were to change it it would be something else entirely, it would be better to write a new one with this one as an inspiration for it. Yours as aye Ann of Norway

17 years 2 months ago

I just love it

As it is short, neat, succinct and uncluttered with poetisisings (not English). As Stella says 'strong and clear', I agree. This heart I can see as a vessel with the red blood almost spilling, even higher than its edges, full of a big question - what next? I think if you were to change it it would be something else entirely, it would be better to write a new one with this one as an inspiration for it. Yours as aye Ann of Norway

I

17 years 2 months ago

My dear Ann,

thank you so much for your sweet comment. Maybe I will write a new one when something new happens to this heart? Yours, ~Nina

B

17 years 2 months ago

Just dinking around ...

here a bit, poking my nose hither'n yon into your piece. Perhaps something or -things within my play will strike your fancy. And if not? oh, well. My heart is no toy Don't play rough with it It breaks too easily Into its mess of shards Too many for counting My heart is like china Of the see-through kind Handle it with care Or it might shatter It might, it might, it might My heart is not empty But filled with its prior pain Its contents are precious Kindly do not spill them Let me hold them longer My heart is too full There is not more room Just one drop plopped in Can make it overflow Do not add to it Do not add to it, for I could drown, I could drown ... (By the way, I particularly like Proprietess's comment including "a wonderful way with owrds." Her comment models her "wonderful way" so well. Really. I'm delighted by it. Really. No kidding. Really, really.) Thanx, Chuck

I

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Chuck,

thanks so much for your suggestions. I love the "drop plopped" thing and "prior" looks like a really good alternative for "previous", so I may just use those. As always, I´ll have to think it through for a while... Yours, ~Nina P.S. I was thinking of you today because I read a very funny poet whose puns reminded me of yours. I would have loved to share his writing with you! But his poems are in German, so I still have to work a little on my translations and maybe will not be able to incorporate all the puns...

B

17 years 2 months ago

You here ...

remind me---strangely enough!---of an episode where an interpreter, probably something like from Ukrainian to English (memory fails me), while I was tasked to getting the English rendition. It took me some while to realize the interpreter was translating the Ukrainian(?) and leaving out the highly accented English parts coming from the mouth of the witness. Since I had trouble discerning when the originator drifted into English(?) and back, and since the bits of English(?) if taken as they were lacked context, it momentarily occurred to me that I needed translator help with the complete picture. I suspended my fruitless efforts and cautioned the translator to tranlate all of it, the English(?), the Ukrainian(?)---whatever!---so I'd have a complete picture to read, write, whatever. My job was made much easier from thence onward. You have my sympathies as to translating puns. Yours, Chuck

T

17 years 2 months ago

Nina,

I do like this one. I don't know if I see the lack of adult voice in it, but if that is the case, a wounded soul doesn't usually speak in an adult voice. This poem speaks in the way a wounded heart guards itself and turns away from all others until it becomes whole again. Vulernable and childlike, as it should be in troubled times such as in this situation. And I think that with this type of hurt, simple words describe the pain best in their own right. Its in the afterthought that big strong words have their place. Just my opinion. I like this the way it stands. I am reminded of being in this place of isolation a time or two. A lonely place. Thanks for sharing. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

I

17 years 2 months ago

M y dear Tink,

I have just revisited your "Love lost" and I feel the same about this piece of yours... Sometimes there are only a few words, simple ones even, that say it all. Thanks for the read, my friend, ~Nina

I

17 years 2 months ago

All,

I have changed the last stanza. Thanks to Chuck for the beautiful assonance "drop plopped". Are the changes for better or for worse? Yours, ~Nina

yenti

17 years 2 months ago

Busted

Woops! here I go, although the first edition of your poem even the title was as I said on the first comment up there somewhere.Was good, but just a little jumpy. I have always said that:- To change but one word of a poem is to create a new piece, Your original was written, and to me was a great piece, as to writing a piece called Bursting I am sure you would have been great with a second poem. I am not complaining about the changes, or any part of the work, but would love to see it as a second piece, that evolves from the first, if you can see what I am pointing at, and I know that with the first as a guide, it will shine in the spotlight, Yours Ian.T

I

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks Ian,

for expressing your confidence in the revised version. You and everyone else who commented on this piece have helped me to reshape this poem. I am happier with it now, and I hope so is everyone else. As for spotlight: Who cares? Not I. What means more than spotlight to me is the honesty all those who commented on this piece have shown. Yours, ~Nina

I

17 years 2 months ago

Hi DD,

glad you liked it! This piece was a lot of work, so it´s good to know the result is liked... Yours, ~Nina

O

orgami

17 years 2 months ago

Forgot the old ritual

long ago my mothers tea cups her father had given each daughter on his trips as Steam Engineer on the railroad from toronto canada to montreal and up to south parry he was away and would buy these she saved them and gave them too me and Chloe only four then would come over and we would have "tea-times" but we had real expensive cups and saucers even though they were large i dont think mommy and daughter did this other stuff yes but not that that strangely was daddy and daughter moving and the box with five sets fell opened up on the terrazio stairwell and all were lost but not the memory like the line from the song "Mad World" "their tears are filling up their glasses" okay ...Its contents are precious tinged with gold naught for vain My heart is full brimming that with one more drop we will drown in emotions these depths we cant stop..... yes thats my variance on this I liked this exercise on your fine poem

I

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Orgami,

I love your improvisation on my piece! Always great to hear from you! Thanks, ~Nina