Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Time asks of you and me.

Do you think that we can then
take time out from this world of men.
Consider other things than lust
And how to grind lives into dust?

These days are fueled by want and greed,
 it takes a thousand cuts to bleed.
Corrosive images on screens we place
 that rob our children of their grace.

Men exercise wanton lies
before all nations' tired eyes.
Such paradigms we must shatter,
to honour sacrifices that have mattered.

Time asks of you and of me.
Reject this abysmal conformity.

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: AUS

More from this author

Comments

I

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Craig,

this is already a good write, but I think you can do even better. The rough patches (to my way of thinking) were: stanza 1: punctuation: I feel it is overpunctuated, sometimes less is more. stanza 2: rhyme: placed/grace is not the best of rhymes (I know what I´m talking about, I can do bad rhymes like noone else). stanza 3: apostrophe: "nations" needs an apostrophe. (You know that I am a pain in the bum about the use of apostrophes, don´t you?) Yours, ~Nina
C

Craig Norris

17 years 2 months ago

Edges of Solingen..

You are as sharp as ever Nina, thank you, I have been playing with this one for a little while, and made a couple of hasty changes before posting it. You zeroed in on them, and I have tended...all for the better. Cheers Craig.
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Great, Craig,

You really smoothed it out well! Only a little typo in stanza 2, line 2 left (It takes?). Yours, ~Nina
C

Craig Norris

17 years 2 months ago

yes..danke(?)

thank you thank you...How could I not see that ? your humble servant Craig.
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Bitte schön!

(happens to the best of us, even to me...I´ve had some really embarrassing typos, too...) Thanks again for the read of my latest post, by the way. Yours, ~Nina