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prayersbyPatty
Feb 12, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Cars and courage (a Triolet)

My past,  a tiny black speck in my rear view mirror
  I now look to the future, a large window in front of me
 Tinted in blue,  looking forward, I now see clearer.
My past, a tiny black speck in my rear view mirror
         Gone now cause you are the healer.
      I whisper, Thank you Lord,  I am set free
My past, a tiny black speck in my rear view mirror
  I now look to the future, a large window in front of me.



— prayersbyPatty, Feb 12, 2009
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Critiques

Rett

Rett

17 years 5 months ago

Nice Patty

Your first triolet? If so it if pretty dang good! Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." If government is the answer, it's a stupid question!
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 5 months ago

Yes my first

I did it, I am so excited,,, Just want to share with everyone that the past is over every morning. Patty
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 5 months ago

Thanks Janice

Changed the title on you, But the concept is the same.... Everyone who has hurt you needs to become a tiny thing in the review mirror, so you can look ahead... if you make the spec bigger the entire mirror fills with black and it distracts you. One of my favorite song lyrics is "not going back, moving ahead, I'm moving, moving forward" Patty
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Wafi

17 years 5 months ago

A Black Speck.

Great, Patty. Quite inspirational! Enjoyed it. Sincerely, Wafi
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 5 months ago

Wafi

Thank you so much, I appreciate your comments. Patty
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 5 months ago

Hi Patty...

I'm not a big fan of triolets and villanelles because of the repetition... but you did a good job of this one as the repetitive lines helped to sink the thoughts in with strength, which is what they are supposed to do I would think... personally, I liked the original title better, but just a personal preference... I thought the metaphor was very good Patty.... well done. Maybe one day I'll brave a triolet... but I can't see it coming out as well as yours has. Richard
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 5 months ago

Moon

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I appreciate your advice and have changed the title back to cars. I was inspired to write something that looks on the bright side I have been wanting to write one for months, I may not write one again.... but I had to try it..... the black spec can be anything... so it worked out well. I got inspired by a sermon..... The pastor drove a car on stage and then asked why the mirror is so small, cause you aren't supposed to look back. Silly right? Well it got to me so this was born. Thanks Moon, I appreciate you more than you know. Patty
deelilah

deelilah

17 years 5 months ago

Very nice, Patty

I liked the pastor's illustration. The metaphor really worked for him and you. And Richard is right, the repetition works in this case. Bravo. Yours, Dee
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 5 months ago

Dee

Thank you so much for you comments, I appreciate it, I hope it helps people not look back, I have so many friends that say shoulda, and they cannot move on. Not going back is a big thing for me. Your bud, Patty
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 5 months ago

Cars and courage [a Triolet]

Patty, Love the content and I enjoyed it! Just a suggestion here: line 3 should rhyme with line 1 line 5 should rhyme with line 1 line 6 should rhyme with line 2 ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 5 months ago

Jan

Good to see you back.... I smell a re-write. Thanks for the help..... Patty
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 5 months ago

Jan

I easily made the changes, Now its official.... whooo-hooo. Patty
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 5 months ago

Cars and courage

Patty, Beautiful now, and you you said it was easy? Quite an acomplishment, I say~ ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 5 months ago

Jan

Thanks for all your help, the re-write was easy Not the triolet.... Patty
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Priya

17 years 5 months ago

Patty

I loved these lines: "My past, a tiny black speck in my rear view mirror I now look to the future, a large window in front of me." I think the closure was the most effective part of the poem and the entire poem read very well. I log in rarely and such poems refreshes ones' mind. Thanks. Priya
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 5 months ago

Priya

Thank you for your kind comments. I appreciate your reading and comments so much. Patty. This may help someone get over their tiny black spec, whatever that may be.
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Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

Hi Patty,

you sure did a great job on the rewrite. I would love to see more triolets by you, you seem to be getting the hang of them. Yours, ~Nina
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 5 months ago

Nina

Thank you for your comments, I appreciate it so very much. Glad you enjoyed it. Patty
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 4 months ago

Hi Anni

Glad you enjoyed it....... thanks Patty
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

17 years 4 months ago

Patti

I missed this one. Most excellent. Don't you love triolets? I sure do - they pack such a punch! Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
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prayersbyPatty

17 years 3 months ago

Jim

Thanks for you kind comments. Yes I do like the Trio let. This is my first and I am happy to pass along my little sermon about now looking back. I just wish I could remember that at all times. I do tend to forget. Patty

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