Fog {finished, I think?, spell checked.}

I watch the Fog come in again,
 A damp mist stealthily rolling in.
It block’s the sun’s warm ray’s,
 making me wish for warmer day’s.
Shadow’s are not cast upon the ground,
 this fog is much more close and profound.
It comes when chance has passed on by,
 or when a dream end’s because I didn’t try.

I have a great family and a home,
 so why do I feel the need to moan.
A job, a car, friend’s, and a choice,
 but can anyone even hear my voice….
Thing’s will continue to come and go,
 while I try and  maintain, to put on a show.
I see you reach while I pull away,
 standing next to me yet another day.


I dread the fog coming upon a whim,
 sometimes it’s so thick I have to swim.
Anger and resentment come to mind,
 and lot’s of pain and loss is what I find.
I strengthen my resolve to maintain the fight,
 even though I will have to use all of my might.
Why does the fog choose to pick on me,
 am I somehow deserving or so unworthy.

I want what you have, I really do.
 it’s just so far away, I don’t have a clue.
I never actually made a decision,
 just kept pursuing it with persiscion.
Putting everything first, before myself.
 setting my moral compass on a shelf.
With such dedication I pursued my devil,
 selfish in thought, not thinking on the level.


My  fog still will not leave me alone,
 chilling me clear through to the bone.
I lay awake at night dwelling on my pain,
 listening for answer's in the rhythm of the rain. 
In desperation I pray for yet another day,
 I make a plea and beg for a way to run away.
Clouded scenario's race's through my thoughts,
 comprehension is something that I endlessly sought..

 
Had I thought about it, I don’t think I would have,
 Only in a rare moment of chance, that I could have.
I never really believed I might actually do it,
 I’m as shocked as you when it comes right to it.
May be if I had made a different choice….
 held out my hand and listened to your voice…
I am sorry for the sadness and pain I have made,
 after all your love and trust that you so freely gave.


My soul was lost and Grey,
 in a fog so thick I Iost my way.
Wandering in different direction's,
 desperately seeking a Resurrection.
I can not change what happened,
 or heal the heart's I have flattened,
Know I regret my ultimate selfish action,
 l wish your life full with hope and passion. 
 

Please find some peace to not live jaded,
 live in this moment, not so fogged and faded.
We will sometimes meet in your dream's,
 and you already will know what it mean’s.
You may feel me close, still right beside you,
 that real feeling of us, that will always be true.
Your Love is now my only claim to living,
 so even in my death you just keep on giving.
 

Thank you, 

  Written in understanding memory of my late cousin Kimbre’, we miss you. For her sister Beverly, And the rest of her family and friend's as well.

Julie
02/13/09