Tink

Feb 08, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Sunset

streaks of scarlet
tumbles in green
there is no parallel
that could create the scene

dabs of pink
cover the blue
for all eyes
look up to you

trails of white
no color of brown
you start at the horizon
then go around

brilliant shades of orange
no need for black
there's a serenity
you could never lack

lovers join hands
with a smile they bet
how wonderful it is
to walk into the sunset

tink 2/8/09 11:28am

— Tink, Feb 08, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Pennsylvania, USA

Critiques

Tink

17 years 4 months ago

thanks kelsey!

i thought so too, until i read emarie's suggestions, and it sounded better with them. what do you think, does it sound better to you now? Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

theladyblue

17 years 4 months ago

just a few word changes... streaks of scarlet* tumbles in green* there is no parallel* that could paint the scene* dabs of pink cover the blue for all eyes* look up to you* trails of white no color of brown you start at the horizon then go around* brilliant shades of orange no need for black there’s a serenity you could never lack lovers join hands* with a smile they bet how wonderful it is to walk into the sunset ps i like it as is but if you feel you need a change that is the only thing i could think of... much love! <3 Emarie @~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@ 'My prayer is a rapture in blue' - The Ink Spots 'My Prayer' 1939

Tink

17 years 4 months ago

i like your suggestions

thank you! I don't want to use "paint" in the 4th line in the first stanza becaue i have seen some beautiful paintings of sunsets. i was thinking of using 'mimic' but i'm not sure about it. your thoughts? Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

poewriter58

17 years 4 months ago

Deb

as it stands it is very surface. I like Emarie's suggestions just a bit of a change in the wording made a difference Chrys

Tink

17 years 4 months ago

thanks chrys!

I agree and have made changes. what do you think? Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

poewriter58

17 years 4 months ago

Deb

I like the change now it's excellent instead of just good Chrys

Tink

17 years 3 months ago

thanks!

"excellent" for you is a great compliment! thank you! thanks for your feedback, and I appreciate your honesty. It makes me think and helps me grow. please don't ever stop! Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

infinite_dwarf

17 years 4 months ago

Deb

It's like you took a perfect photograph, and now here it is on e-paper. Well done. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction!" -"God is good, but never dance in a small boat."

LissaMine

17 years 3 months ago

Loved the use of the colors...

Very vivid and real.. a great write Deb Lissa I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.

DWD

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Tink

Your poem " Sunset" left a vivid image of such a majestic scene . Short and simple to the point makes your poem a pleasure to read . I love how you bring it home in the last stanza . Good work for a 5 star poem . Smiles Gabor (DWD)