Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

deleted


I’m in the process of submitting poems to magazines and therefore deleting them. They may be up again later.

About This Poem

About the Author

More from this author

Comments

Electric Blue

Electric Blue

17 years 3 months ago

Zany zigzag

Nina I live in limbo with invisible threads. I run on nothing but thin air too. I know this space my friend What magic suspends the moon in a deep blue sky As it is the moon I think I would use What magic suspends the moon adrift in a soft Purple Haze? I enjoyed this write. Electricblue
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Maggie,

Thank you for your intriguing comment. I´ll think the purple vs. blue thing through. Glad you enjoyed it, ~Nina
Proprietress of Crimson Hearts

Proprietress o…

17 years 3 months ago

Ink,

I actually love the original line for its simplicity. it paints an uncomplicated yet very vivid picture. I vote keep!
Mark

Mark

17 years 3 months ago

I like it too

"Purple Haze all in my mind....is it tomorrow or just the end of time" Suspended in(on?) purple haze lol certainly a zigzag world :) a perception for ya... If I could ever summarize the sum, I would retire and grow tangerines. Mark
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Mark,

your comments never fail to make me smile! Thanks for dropping by and commenting. Yours, ~Nina P.S. Chocolate raisins?
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks, Amartya,

I do know about gravitation, you know? But this poem is about a moment when everything seems uncertain, even the laws of gravity... Taking care, ~Nina
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Kelsey,

I am soo glad you liked the flow! Yes, it is a very confused write, I just hope it´s not too confusing for those who read it... Looking forward to your next piece, ~Nina
S

Stella

17 years 3 months ago

Nina, I don’t think this a

Nina, I don't think this a confusing write at all, I think it's magical. To me, this is what poetry is all about, a world where illogic exists and we all get to experience it freely. Sometimes it's deep thoughts or inner feelings, other times it just captures a moment in time.. As you know, I love surreal images and somehow they do make sense to me since they can be such great metaphors. Okay, am I making any sense now? ; ) So what I'm really trying to say is that I really enjoyed reading this, I think you did an amazing job (flow is fine as well) I love the first four lines, I think like that when I write. Confusion, confusion... I think it's the time of year! love, ~Stella
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Confusion, confusion,

have you ever wondered, dear Stella, why the word "fusion" is in there? Thank you for your comment, thoughtful and insightful as always! Love, ~Nina
nokros

nokros

17 years 3 months ago

Zany Zigzag

i fail to see any confusion. if we start analysing the evidence in a poem we are treading on dangerous ground. keep up the good work.
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Hi, Nokros,

first of all: welcome to Neopoet. And secondly: thanks for your kind words ("good work")! Your comment, and your statement about "dangerous grounds" in particular, make me want to read your pieces... Nice to meet you, ~Nina
nokros

nokros

17 years 3 months ago

Nina

you are so welcome
Cloudthings

Cloudthings

17 years 3 months ago

Critiqueing the poem as opposed to the state of the writer

You know my thoughts mirror the above, I feel there is a kind of sacred element to the actual motivation of a poem. Being new to this I am wondering if critique should deal with the way the poem reads & feels, what it evokes, not how the reader perceives the person writing the poem might feel or be going through? I am happy to be corrected here, but I have a sense that we are reading & responding to heart felt imagery.... we use words to evoke an emotional response, but the subject may not even be one we personally feel. In any case, I enjoyed reading this, I felt it was an exploration of uncertainty, not a confusing read.. what was "evoked" was a good example of being perplexed, in a poetic way... so the poem did it's job well if people were left with a sense of confusion. Anni I wish to walk gracefully..... so as not to spill water.
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Anni,

your comment is most appreciated! You´re right, we do not actually have to feel what we relate in our poems. (Distinction author/"lyrical I" is what this is called "scientifically") Thanks, ~Nina
Mark

Mark

17 years 2 months ago

Ooh I don't know

There are times I am trying to grasp at anything to leave, albeit only comment :( However I must admit that saying what might be a motivating force behind a writing feels a bit ... um .. er..uncomfortable (at times) At other times it seems more aah.. fun, yes fun ! But then, I'm alergic to sulfa and that sht is everywhere under the sun. I suppose you can always choose "use caution this is sensitive to me" (or whatever it says) when ya create the poem here. (I would need to move off the planet somewhere to be safe - but that's me) If I could ever summarize the sum, I would retire and grow tangerines. Mark
Proprietress of Crimson Hearts

Proprietress o…

17 years 3 months ago

my crazy Dragon,

now how did I manage to miss this little jewel? "Nothing but ill Illogic criss-crosses the room" ... do I sense a thoughtflow here? ;) wonderful, you have so many great lines in this piece that I don't even know which to highlight. maybe the one you've also highlighted: "I run on nothing but thin air I might as well stand still" I just love that one, I feel it lies somewhere between a serious capitulation and a simple trotzreaktion. one small suggestion: the devil and angel part feels too simple for the rest of the poem. maybe you could make four lines out of that, two for the angels and two for the devils and make it a bit... i don't know, schnittiger, you know? hm, I wish I were there with you in your kitchen in the evening, sharing poetry and coffee and thoughts and cigarettes (god, how I miss them today). I miss you, my friend!!! Kata
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

My sweet proprietress,

thank you so much for your comment. (And for the title again!) ill/ill logic/illogic was indeed a thoughtflow, but an incomplete one. "I run on nothing..." just happened, no idea how, but I immediately felt the urge to create a poem around these two lines, and that was when I came upon your title. I´ll try to change something about the devil/angel lines. As always, it will take some time. Miss you LOADS! (and the cigs from time to time, too, shame on me!) Sending all my love across the ocean to you, ~Nina
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

17 years 3 months ago

Zany

Hei Nina, Ephemeral, dreamlike, beautifully illogical yet not, wonder at it all, a philosopher's nightmare and yet a vividly sensitive dream at the same time. A little bit like one evening when I looked at the sky and felt as if I were in a big black balloon with tiny holes where the stars peeped through, the night sky is so unfathomably (this word is not good English-just me) interesting isn't it? I could stand there all night, every night, its so deep and dark and wonderful. I love the bit where you touch it and it evaporates you were one of the English type of fairies there, with magic fingers. The rhythm is good too. Yours Ann of Norway.
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Ann, Ann, Ann,

yet again, my poem pales in comparison to your beautiful comment! And, yes, my dearest Ann of Norway, I think it must have been a moment like the one you describe..."as if I were in a big black balloon with tiny holes where the stars peeped through"...only I felt like being in a cocoon, woven from spidery spider´s webs, mummified, and then, the moon jerked my strings...But the feeling is basically the same, we just use different words to describe it... Thank you, ~Nina
nokros

nokros

17 years 3 months ago

have to supplement my comment

is this an initiation into rebellion - you know a flee from misguided honesty, not to suffer the same fate? one has to be unsparing in your quest for the truth. i would summarise it as seeking morals. that is what poeting is all about - criss-crossing the mind to reach discernment or is it savvy? just a thought keep on writing
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 3 months ago

Nina

This write is everything that has been said and more. Two quick notes: One about "evaporates" - as it is a solid, should it not shatter? My mistake if I'm getting too literal! Second, keep "blue sky." I believe it fits perfectly. Just my thoughts. Glad I didn't miss this read! love ~ Ronda
Proprietress of Crimson Hearts

Proprietress o…

17 years 3 months ago

just my two cents... again ;)

but I think that is the point of the whole piece, to create a realm where logic does not exist at least not as we know it. don't you find it more mysterious that way?
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Thank you, Ronda dear,

for your thoughtful comment. "Evaporate" came to mind because of the "thin air", and also because of the "frozen" (water turned into ice, then into steam...). I think you (and Kata) are right about the "deep blue", so I am going to keep it. I, too, am so glad you didn´t miss this one, and send you much love, ~Nina
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 3 months ago

Nina

geez, I'm away a couple days, and you write something amazing! I love the title as it's a very good description of the sort of frustration and confusion within the work. Well done, you! ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction!" -"God is good, but never dance in a small boat."
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks, Jess,

away on honeymoon? Best wishes for your marriage, by the way. The title - we have to thank my proprietress for that one. But I am glad to see you enjoyed my little "crazy" write! Yours, ~Nina
A

Aureo

17 years 3 months ago

Blessed are those who wander....wonder

Dear Ink Dragon, I was directed to this poem by your friend the Proprietress and with good reason. When I read a poem or write I allow the words to flow, not intent on form or logic, you capture so beautifully a truth, we are standing on thin air, on nothingness, the evaporating moment that is already past. Question and question again for to become complacent is our death and end. Kristeta
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Kristeta,

funny that you comment on the "time"-aspect. I´ve been reading Stephen Hawking´s "A brief history of time", and I think some of the thoughts in this piece may have been in my head because of that book... Thanks, ~Nina
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Psst, Amartya,

look here for more good books: http://www.neopoet.com/node/18084 All of them worthwhile, I promise, ~Nina
I

IKnowNoBox

17 years 2 months ago

Such is Limbo

I get the suspension in this write, How high before we get concerned for the distance down. I found the string you refer to is a fine thread of gravity, unlike the gravity of this planet. In ink, Dabbler
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Hi David,

thank you for your wonderful comment, yes, "a fine thread of gravity" is a good way to phrase it! Thanks, my inky friend, ~Nina
P

prayersbyPatty

17 years 2 months ago

Nina

Enjoyed your poem. I thought it to be Zig zagging cool. And that is the state I sometimes find myself in (well more than sometimes). When hungry or tired or have just had to much of this world news..... Thanks for sharing this gem. Patty
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Hi Patty,

thank you so much for your comment. Yes, I think we all find ourselves in a state like that from time to time... Glad you liked it, ~Nina
B

barbsdad2003

17 years 2 months ago

Fie were ...

forced by torture to choose a favorite comment here, it'd be Anni's. To add a zigzag or two of my own: I think when a piece explores what something might seem to a child (for after all, that's where apparently our (even adult) feelings reside/live), to cast adult scientific insight into the works misses its target. To be logical is not the point, not even close. I like the turn-down zigzag meld of logic to ill to illogic. As to I dance with devils and hear the angels sing The moment is frozen into a gleaming crystal But when I touch it, it evaporates might I suggest a slight paring in the latter line, as in, The moment is frozen into a gleaming crystal I touch it, it evaporates The "But when" of the original tries to incorporate logic, a quite alien intrusion/wallpapering in your context here. By it I think you indulge the reading "adults." Take it from me, they don't need indulging. It only encourages a repeat of such mistargeted critical behavior(s). I value science ... and even logic. But (a very strong but) I also value a sense of wonder, a child's innocence, and the uninitiated's right to feel a little crazy (crazy by whose standard, anyway?), and perhaps to glimpse the illogic ... and let it go. What seems to be's so different from what is ... usually. But not always. I reserve the right to be as confused as the next person. If not more so. Thanx much, Chuck PS: One of the most hurtful comments I received from Mother in my childhood? "Don't be silly!" She might as well have said "Don't be crazy!" or "Don't be illogical!" or "Don't have fun!" When said seriously, even from one so-called adult to another, all such admonitions I think tend to inhibit, diminish, wet-blanket. And yes, even suffocate.
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Wow, Chuck!

Thank you so much for your comment! You´re right about the "but"-line, I ought to change it. And I, too, openly admit to not having all the answers, but lots of questions. Maybe this is an art in itself, to keep the open mind of a child, marvelling at things like the fact that there is a moon in the sky? And maybe the attitude of those who think they have all the answers is simply a hubristic one? Yours, ~Nina
W

Wafi

17 years 2 months ago

I Run On Nothing But Thin Air.

"I Run On Nothing But Thin Air." Nina, I will not say much but "Wow". Left me amazed. Glad I caught this great piece of yours in the Stream. 5/5 Sincerely, Wafi
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Wow, Wafi,

I am flattered that you liked it so much! Especially because it comes from you, who can write pieces like "Terrorism speaks itself"! Sincerely, ~Nina
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks, JoJo,

glad you liked it! And I will read your poems, too, as I promised! Yours, ~Nina
I

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

I have just stumbled on this quote:

It seems appropriate here: "Do I dare Disturb the universe In a minute there is time For decisions and revisions Which a minute will reverse." (T.S. Eliot)