Barbara Writes

Feb 05, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Love Tangle

Love Tangle

They dance to the tune of a fight
As their bodies sway in a storm
Of screaming matches

He dips her in his sea of words
Her head held back in flames
Of disappointing promises

He spins her around and around in hopes
As her dress tail sails in the breeze
Of shattered dreams

— Barbara Writes, Feb 05, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Critiques

Jo Latimer

17 years 4 months ago

Hi Barbara -

Loved this evocative write. 2 things: the mix of tenses in that first line: "They dances to the tune of a fight" should be "They dance to the tune of a fight" Secondly, verse 2 line 3 is a little confusing: it could be either "disappointing promises" as written, or "disappointed promises" depending on what you wanted to get across. Perhaps if you could explain this line? Not in the poem, just in the comments? Thanks, Jo

Barbara Writes

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks Jo

Sorry for the delay in my response, taking online classes at my college. I made the change in the first stanzas, but I think disappointing promises sound better because it describes the promises rather than the promises being disappointed, which is how the other way sounds to me. Thanks for taking the time to comment, critique and read my work. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Barbara

This write, as usual, evokes many different thoughts and feelings. I agree with Jo on the first line and as he said, verse two, line three could go either way. All else I can say would be gilding the lily. Very thought provoking. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

Barbara Writes

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks Rett

Glad you got the different thoughts I intended to convey. thanks for the suggestions and kind comment. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Linda Moses

17 years 4 months ago

Barbara

The first line, "they dances to the tune of the fight", this language has become a style of your own, and if that is the way you want it to read, then leave it be. just my first thought when I read your piece.

Barbara Writes

17 years 3 months ago

Appreciate the comment

deelilah

17 years 3 months ago

Hi Barbara

I thought I already commented on this one because it's very good. Must have read it when I couldn't think anymore. Anyway, it is absolutely stunning. The imagery is so strong. I can clearly picture this couple fighting--the words are so neat: 'dancing to a fight' storm of screaming matches' 'sea of words' I can see also it is she losing the fight but hoping to the end of dreams. You have really done a good job with the use of enjambment. Anyway, bravo. Deelilah

Barbara Writes

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks Dee

Wow you saw right through this one. Glad you saw the meaning in the metaphors I choose to use. Thanks for the outstanding comment. I really appreciate it. PS the E word? (: ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

LissaMine

17 years 3 months ago

Very moving... liked it alot

He spins her around and around in hopes As her dress tail waves in the breeze Of shattered dreams This is my favorite part. So many words can tangle us up and make us believe that is not real. Whether we really believe it or not we want to believe it.

Barbara Writes

17 years 3 months ago

LissaMine

so true, sometimes just a single word or gesture keep hope alive. real or not we wanna believe it. thanks for commenting. glad you like it ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Barbara Writes

17 years 3 months ago

Evolution

Nice to be recognized. thanks for all the nice comments with rating. they are valuable in helping me write better poetry that people can enjoy and relate to. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

orgami

17 years 3 months ago

Ohhhh Barbara

this one lept from page into my heart what a gracious apparition you have provoked from my minds nimble eye fantastic my freind fantastic!!!

Barbara Writes

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks Orgami

Your comments are always comely and appreciated. glad you like it so, I aim to please my readers. Thanks my friend ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

docmaverick

17 years 3 months ago

Hey Barb...

....This was a very astute write, explaining the "partnership" shared between a man and a woman. Truly a delightful read. Sincerely, #{:>{)}@=== docmaverick.

Barbara Writes

17 years 3 months ago

Doc

glad you find it delightful. partnerships shared between a man and a woman, whether it be good or bad i thought might make a good poem. glad it you find it an entertaining read ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Janice Pearce

17 years 3 months ago

Love Tangle

Barbara, I too loved the metaphors. Nicely done~ ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous

Barbara Writes

17 years 3 months ago

Thanks Janice

glad you like the metaphors and thanks for commenting. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara