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The Big Bang

Your laughter surrounds me,
the thought of it so pleasing.
Our ease of conversation,
our love for the teasing.

I'm lost in your presence,
a delightful treasure...
we are filled with each other,
and our eagerness to pleasure.

It's coming... it's near,
our explosion is here...

joined in one mind,
our aura's combine...
absorbed in the fervor,
we enter our time.

Approaching exploding,
to us... it is clear,
we are joined, not holding,
yes... we are here.


— themoonman, Jan 30, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

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Critiques

Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 4 months ago

Moonman

I like this I thought it was good from beginning to end. a suggestion I think the ending feel short of a great finality when you ended with *we are joined, not holding, yes… we are here.* I think a ending with more impact would make it a five star. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 4 months ago

Thank you Barbara...

I appreciate your review and I just may change it, but I believe for now I'll let it float or sink as it is... but later... I may have to work on that ending verse.... thanks again Richard
Electric Blue

Electric Blue

17 years 4 months ago

The Big Bang

Richard It seems the tide has turned and you again in harmony for a while. The place of dreams that become reality to share to experience the pleasures that we try to explain into words but just being just enjoying Mmmmmmmmmmm Happy for you my friend. Just beautiful. Electricblue
docmaverick

docmaverick

17 years 4 months ago

Personally....

...I felt the "closeness" that you carry on about. I enjoyed reading your presentation. My ONLY criticism would be that you could've expounded on the subject, somewhat. You were clear and concise, however I thought you were a "tad bit" too, careful. Nes Pa ? #{:>{)}=/ later on, doc.
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 4 months ago

Hi doc...

well then... I believe that may be the first time I have ever been told I was too careful... but in reading it again... I can't say I disagree... thank you for your look at this write! thanks Richard
C

Conect11

17 years 4 months ago

feels dirty

I think I rented a video once titled "the big bang," but I digress. I was expecting a scientific dissertation, and instead got something that made me smile like a secretive lunatic. (tm iknownobox 2007) Equal parts tender and naughty, I was caught up in this. Dangit! And I thought I was gonna get to use my clever saying that I stole from a poster... Oh well, gonna use it anyway. "Big bang: In the begining there was nothing... which exploded." Mark W. Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. Against these, there is no law!" My favorite verse(s) in the Bible
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 4 months ago

Mark...

So glad the title drew you in... and glad you had your lunatic smile on... I am grinning just thinking about it. Your clever little saying concerning "the Big Bang" I absolutely loved... thanks Richard
S

Stella

17 years 4 months ago

Hi Richard,You, too careful?

Hi Richard, You, too careful? ; ) Thought it was quite racy as well, probably all the explosions and exploding... Lovely write Richard, am glad you're feeling all cozy at the mo' ~Stella
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 4 months ago

Hi Stella...

I have written some more graphic poems... and maybe I'll post one... Too careful... I thought Doc had a good point, but I wasn't planning on changing it... because to me its meaning was clear... cozy...well you know... explosions tend to do that... thanks Stella... Richard
A

andyk

17 years 4 months ago

those who live it understand, the others just read

Richard, a really great read. The technical parts of poetry leave me cold(I know for others certainly the Japanese enthusiast this is not so)but the feeling and sense of a poem fire me. It is what a poem transmits to an individual that gives it vibrancy, how it connects you to the event or includes you personally or how it brings memories of ones own life or points to a future yet to come. I really enjoyed it. I personally do not believe it to be too careful, better to allude to or hint at with all things love else it becomes too graphic and a tad pornographic, too crystal clear. It is what it evokes and awakens that is important. Really good read mate. Andy
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 4 months ago

Andy...

I do so appreciate your looking at my poem... thank you for your insightful peek into these words of mine... and you liked it... I'm so glad! Richard
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 4 months ago

Amartya...

Thank you for that warming comment... writing for me is medicine, and I need it, as often as I can take it... thank you and welcome again to the site... Richard
Y

youarehere

17 years 4 months ago

The thing about orgasm here

is that it begins to open up in your poem as metaphor for ecstatic or divine union. My only criticism is that I want to hear more about that moment of timeless bliss from you in your poem...how the microcosm of sex can open us up into the macrocosm of oneness, union, communion. I feel that happening in your poem but want more attention to it. I feel just a little let down at the end...but don't worry, I hear that happens to all men every onec ein awhile. (Sorry, couldn''t resist). Richard, I haven't been keeping up with commenting on your poems as much as I want to, but I keep coming back to this very Big-Hearted feeling in your poems, this sense of a great and vast YES that seems just a breath over the horizon...maybe like you're used to playing small or keeping yourself in check or not trusting yourself fully. I saw a storm coming once, rolling over the plains of some flat state I was dring through. I had to stop and watch. The storm never came, or I wasn't brave enough to wait...can't remember. But your poems are like that for me...big storms coming. I really enjoy reading them. They make me feel alive. -Michael
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 4 months ago

Michael...

you had me laughing right out loud with your let-down at the end, sorry... but, I will say this, I was going for the quiet explosions between two... not world-shaking events... I could have spiced it up a bit more but left it a more quiet, personal event for that reason... thank you for pointing it out... I could still change it and may come back to it with some fresh thoughts, but for now, I need a nap... lol... Please don't worry about not keeping up with my every poem, there are many that deserve your astute commentaries... and we can't be everywhere at once... I do appreciate so much your poet heart...for that is where your comments come from... and they land ... they land. thank you... Richard
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 3 months ago

D.D.

glad to have caused a smile for you... and that twinge...well... thanks for that! lol.... Richard
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 3 months ago

Richard

You sneaky little devil! So many little innuendos you stuffed in here, cautious, yes, but I think it's more tasteful - and leaves more to the imagination. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"Three things that take forever to get here: birthday, Christmas, and the pizza delivery boy." - Garfield the Cat
Sinbadthesailorman

Sinbadthesailorman

16 years 10 months ago

Oh this had to be a big bang

It so rarely ocurs in one ness or together ness my life expireances have only reveal enough to be counted on my 21 digits I've and extra toe, Lol just kidding got off track there, Great write, lovely read, to short for me though kind of like the Big Bang all inspiring but, to short lived Donnie/Sinbad