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There Among Life's Playground

There Among Life's Playground

I saw a boy one day pretend
To be a man and wear his suit
And shirk responsibility
While claiming all authority;
It was a sad and vain pursuit.

I saw a boy begin a rant
As unlike a man as could be
And drape himself in victim hood
As if such acts did any good
Or e'er displayed maturity.

I saw a boy with furrowed brow
Begin a fight he could not win
And spasm bile and peevishness
And witnessed his inept distress
As life defeated him again

My sorrow for this damaged boy
Was tempered by his acts hate
And hurts he sought to sow like grain
And wounds he sought to salt with pain
And grief he angered  to create.

I watched as he self destructed
And showed his friends and enemies
That his soul was dark and hollow
And tread a path none could follow
Or ameliorate or appease.

And now I see the bleak wreckage
Of low actions coarsely pursued
Of feuds begun without reason
Of unfounded calls of treason
And looking back I must conclude

This boy feigning violation
Suffers from his own creation.
— Pugilist, Jan 26, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Jacksonville area, FL, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Keats, Kipling, Carroll, Yeats, Tolkien, Shakespeare

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Critiques

Proprietress of Crimson Hearts

Proprietress o…

17 years 4 months ago

wonderful,Pugilist!

the new pattern looks good on you, you wear it well. :-) I have no comparison yet but that will be changed. I will I'll get around to reading some of your older posts soon. few parts of the piece are a bit bumpy but nothing which seriously disruptes the flow. I love the title, a real eye-catcher, and the theme had me entertained all the way to the end. respectfully, your Proprietress
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 4 months ago

ameliorate

I love that word, and it hardly gets used enough. I'm still trying to dig into the deeper meaning of this poem - and I'm starting to lean towards a soldier. Sadly, I tend to overthink things, so it's more likely the case that I'm making something simple into a huge thing. Just doesn't seem like Jonathan if there's no hidden meaning, so I'll continue to look. :~) ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"Handle every situation like a dog: if you can't eat it, or screw it, piss on it and walk away!"
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

17 years 4 months ago

Thanks for the review and comments

Crimson, I modified some lines I believed were a bit rough, giving the work a easier flow in my mind. Jess, I love the unused lonely words as well. It may be that I am a bit archaic and cut my teeth on the likes of Tolkien, but the older the word, the better it feels. This is why I am part of NeoPoet.com, the things I can live with, others bring to my attention and force me to revisit and try again. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
GL

GiGi Lee

17 years 2 months ago

Thought I'd read a poem and comment after asking a favor.

I like the title. It could be any boy who feels victimized and refuses to break that cycle. He could be rich; he could be poor. You use language well. Surprising and thoughtful rhymes. I'm not use to the pacing of this format but the poem seem to move right along once I realized that it was not going to rhyme like I expected and Bravo! The theme has been worked alot in all gendres--boy becoming a man or not; What you become is up to you, bla, bla, bla. and not always true!! The poem is well executed but the theme seemed truly overworked, again and therefore the poem fails somewhere. The logic is yes, well I've heard this before. I would like to have heard the struggle and failure to be more. You do write well and I'm glad I read your work. best regards,
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks for the honest and thoughtful critique

As I say incessantly, poetry is art and art is communication and if the reader does not understand the point of the author the fault lies with the author. So I'll take a look at this and see what might make sense. I can't promise anything other than consideration but I do want you to know that I appreciate your time and comments. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)