Rett

Jan 25, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Cleaving Stone

Cleaving Stone

For love, mountains have been moved
The impossible made real
Man has sunk to the lowest depths
And has risen to the stars in their zeal

For love will dare a raging blizzard
Ford a roiling storm swollen stream
Stand steadfast in the face of death
Or conquer the most outrageous scheme

For love a person will do without
To see hunger is fed
Crawl because they cannot stand
Or toss pride to the wind and beg

Greatness resides in the loving heart
That works until their strength is gone
And crawls when they can no longer rise
For love is the chisel that cleaves even stone

(Edited by Tom, tbaudet) I think this reads much better and am still open to suggestions! I wish to thank Jim, Leonard, Richard and Arrow for their suggestions, most of which I have used. Everyone has contributed and I truly appreciate it!

I need serious input on this one.

— Rett, Jan 25, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Southern Texas, USA

Favorite Poets: Dickenson, Longfellow

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Critiques

Arrow

17 years 4 months ago

About what

in particular? Just trying to focus my attention.

Arrow

17 years 4 months ago

Various suggestions:

**maybe start each stanza with Love (except the last), starting each stanza more powerfully. This also seems to articulate that love is the force within the person that makes these things possible, not just an object to be sought. **maybe compact it (e.g., stanza 2) by getting rid of some less exciting words. This is an action piece. See if you can make it verb-heavy. For love a person will do without (Love will do without) To see someone hungry is fed (To see hunger fed) Crawl because they cannot stand (Crawl when it cannot run) Or toss pride to the wind and beg (Abandon pride and beg) Your ending metaphor is very good. Looks promising!

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Thanks Arrow, that is what I am looking for

Help in particulars and generalities. I started on this one and went word blind if you understand what I mean. Thanks. I am going to work on it in my copy because I don't want to keep updating in here. Any and all suggestions welcome always. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

Race_9togo

17 years 4 months ago

Rett

1st stanza "Sink to the depths of humanity"? 3rd stanza, last line..."in"..."into"? last stanza, 2nd line..."works until their"..."labors 'til its"? I love the rhythm of this piece, and I don't think that you should change it too much. Do not change the last line! Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Thanks Jim

I went into a serious case of word blindness in this one. Will work on changes in my copy so I only have to update once. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Thanks Janice

I keep trying to improve. This one gave me a bad time. *LOL* Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

leonard daranjo

17 years 4 months ago

Rett

As always, you produce quality stuff. I love this poem but would like to suggest a few changes: (1)the 1st stanza last line: "and mounted to the stars in their zeal" - I think - "and has risen to the stars..." would sound better. (2)the 3rd stanza 2nd line: "hunger has been fed" should be changed to "hunger is fed" (3)the last stanza last line: "For love is the chisel that cleaves the stone". I am not quite sure why you have used the definite article before stone. I would prefer "For love is the chisel that cleaves even stone" unless you have something else in mind. These are just my humble suggestions for your consideration. I love the poem anyway. Regards ... Leonard

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Leonard

I appreciate it sir! I have used yours and others suggestions and incorporated them. I hope it is reading better now. Thank you very much for the feedback. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

leonard daranjo

17 years 4 months ago

You are most welcome Rett

Thank you for having incorporated my suggestions. Having as much respect as I do for your work, I deeply appreciate your gesture. Cheers ... Leonard

themoonman

17 years 4 months ago

Rett...

well I don't think I would change it much... it could be tighter without some of the "been"s in it... Mountains have been moved for love, the impossible, made real. Man has sunk to the lowest depths, but mounted stars with zeal. might not be what you were looking for, but I thought a tightening up is all this piece may need... or not... in either case your thoughts are conveyed... and so it is already a working poem... Richard

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Thank you Richard

I appreciate it sir. I have used suggestions from each person that helped with this and incorporated them. Many thanks! Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

Conect11

17 years 4 months ago

stanzas three and four

are like embers ready to burn into a powerful fire. That's the kind of love that doesn't get written about nearly enough, the quiet kind, the real kind. They are exceptionally well crafted. I almost think expanding on that theme would be a great thing, but what you have now is great in and of itself. Mark W. Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. Against these, there is no law!" My favorite verse(s) in the Bible

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Thanks Mark

I appreciate it sir. I don't do a lot of love-type poetry, but once in a while I just have to. *G* Glad you liked it! Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

orgami

17 years 4 months ago

orgami notes to Rhett great poem

"or toss pride to the wind and bend" rhymnes better for me "that works until strength is gone" streamlined here a touch "crawls when they can no longer climb" "for love is hearts chisel that cleaves even stone" just my opinion on this fine poem all in all I love it the way it is I love love poems strength and tenderness amazing poem sir

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Orgami, I am always thrilled

when a fine poet like yourself comments sir. I appreciate and will see what I can do with the suggestions. They are ALLWAYS appreciated! How are things going in the great frozen north? Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

orgami

17 years 4 months ago

thanks Rhett

"for love is gods chisel that cleaves even time" now that ryhmnes with "climb" just an idea We love this north this glacial backbone of ten thousand years ago the snowbanks are seven feet tall out here we have had lots of snow instead of rain last winter its been cold forever with wicked windchill but I have ski pants and a hoody and a scarf and warm toque ski jacket decent shoes and mitts but that wind that blows from the north becuase the jet stream comes down the American Mid west and canada west like the dakotas and farther and down by chicago arctic air in the mornings you can hear the rafters and trees snapping too Great Poem

orgami

17 years 4 months ago

Re write

Wow lots of input on this one looks good freind

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Thanks Orgami

Still need to work you suggestions in better, but will. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

themoonman

17 years 4 months ago

I agree...

I liked it the first time, but now...it's right perty! thanks for letting us join in on this Rett... Richard

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Thank you Richard

Each one of you provided valuable input. It really shows the positive aspect of this site! Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

Janice Pearce

17 years 4 months ago

Cleaving Stone

Will come back to this~ I like! ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous

youarehere

17 years 4 months ago

Strong, Steadfast, Proud-hearted (in a good way)

I like those things a lot about this poem. Another thing I realy like is that ot doesn't stay stuck on romantic relationship love. I feel like it wants to move from the personal love into Big Love, which it begins to do. I think it could do that more fully. I don't have specific word suggestions, and I think you're rhyming is excellent and not too forced, but I do think the poem could benefit by some kind of repetition of phrase, or perhaps a more pronounced pattern of syllales per line. Thanks, Rett. -Michael

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

I appreciate it Michael

All suggestions are welcome and given serious consideration. I am at the point where I am considering this a project poem. All suggestions are being copied and pasted into the page I am working on off line and will update it one more time when I get all the pieces sorted out and re-written. I thank you whole heartedly for your input! Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." If government is the answer, it's a stupid question!

Mark

17 years 4 months ago

Love

yes, however the love of being in love may last alone fourty yesrs then finally die to allow love. hmm just some idea. Your poem is true as is, Rett. This may open another string lol If I could ever summarize the sum, I would retire and grow tangerines. Mark

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

That's true mark

speaking of tangerines...*LOL* I bought a bag of Navel oranges the other day and man are they sweet, juicy and good. Tossing you a native pecan off one of my trees. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." If government is the answer, it's a stupid question!

Wuzz

17 years 4 months ago

Cleaving Stone

Very nice. Love is not just a feeling, it is also an action. Thank you. I do have a couple of small suggestions: rather than "and has risen to the stars in their zeal" substitute "his" for "their". And maybe substitute "all" for "their" in the line "that works until their strength is gone". In both cases it seems like the referenced subjects match better. I really love your poem and hope you don't think my suggestions are presumptuous. This is the first time I have commented on a poem.

Rett

17 years 4 months ago

Wuzzwords

Thank you for your kind suggestions. Everyone has to start someplace. *L* I always appreciate suggestions. As you can see reading the comments, this has become kind of a project poem. *LOL* I am copying all suggestions and trying to work them in and hopefully my next update on it will be a finished work. It is not presumtious as this is a workshop environment where we try to help each other out. Thank you very much and Welcome aboard! Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." If government is the answer, it's a stupid question!