Clock

I keep coming back to this after I've read it, again and again. It is deceptively simple, yet with a very clear message I like the structure very much, but the commas at the end of "clock" and "time" keep breaking the flow of the words in the middle of the piece. Try taking them out, then reading the poem out loud, and you'll see what I mean. The last verse is great, but try putting a colon after the word "notice", and turn the last line into two lines somethings are untouched by father time it gives the meaning more impact and focus. A good write! Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

the improvement in your poetry over the last two years is palpable. This is intelligent, well paced, and deceptively simple, as Jim said. Your repetition, theme, and timing really work well here. This belies a wisdom I had not seen previously from you. You're growing! :) Mark W. Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. Against these, there is no law!" My favorite verse(s) in the Bible