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bunnymug
Jan 23, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

pyre

unsure
where to begin
how to end
this
precious
world
between us

it coaxes me back
draws me close
warms me

that damned fire

embers at times
roaring, insatiable at others

in amongst the crackling logs
i am settled
looking outward
others sneak behind
waterfalls
but no cool spray
here is glorious heat
intensity
glow

sparking brilliance
my cloak of colour
this secret world
within the flames

my toes
alive in warm ashes
rooted in the death
to come


— bunnymug, Jan 23, 2009

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Country/Region: CAN

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poewriter58

17 years 4 months ago

Bunnymug

I would suggest dropping the first here as two here's are to close together and produce a stutter upper case I when referring to oneself. "In amongst" the etc this entire stanza , stands out among the rest well done Chrys
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bunnymug

17 years 4 months ago

Thank you

I appreciate your comments. As you can see, have removed the first "here". I like it better that way as well. As for the upper case "I"...tough habit to break!
P

poewriter58

17 years 4 months ago

bunnymug

Just had to say I had a Nestles Quick bunnymug at one time as well thanks for taking my suggestion it is appreciated Chrys
O

orgami

17 years 4 months ago

Poem flows nicely

the heritage of histories ritual remembrances the fires that burn deep in the soul the heart flaring in the night the call of wilds at the edge of dreamforests thick with doubt excitement adversity Love poems that surge in emotion like this like lightening storms past midnight