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Itchy and Scratchy

If its not on the shelf we aint got it, he said

Grinning like a sphincter

And for your embarrassing problem

This is the only tincture

It is the only ointment,

To alleviate your stress

To take away the swelling

And ease the tenderness

I know it must be itchy

I know you want to scratch

But there’s nothing we can do

Till we get another batch

We’ll have some in on Friday

In the meantime please refrain

From scratching it so heartily

You’ll only cause more pain

Try soaking in salt water

Let it dry off in the air

So until next Friday afternoon

Goodbye, farewell, take care

— shazbat, Jan 22, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Norfolk, UK, GBR

Favorite Poets: Kipling, T.S Eliot, Hilaire Belloc, Ogden Nash, Spike Milligan and many more.

More from this author

Critiques

P

Pencilme

17 years 4 months ago

A TEN

Because you are so far from getting laid you need to write this tripe, at least you put your picture here..."Goodbye, farewell..." Hmalet you look like not! and a poet you are less, blah~
shazbat

shazbat

17 years 4 months ago

Five stars for tripe, thank

Five stars for tripe, thank you very much, I am truly honoured, its refreshing to see such honesty here. You will be pleased to know that your comments inspired me to write something new this evening, it might not be tripe but it is most certainly offal, look out for it tomorrow. Although I respect your honesty, there are one or two people on here who may not have my robust nature, and for whom brutally honest comments may have a devastating effect. Thank you again for taking the time to read and post a comment. Regards John
Kailashana

Kailashana

17 years 4 months ago

hmmmm. 5 stars are equipoise

hmmmm. 5 stars are equipoise for a poet who can summon up a cartoon within a cartoon AND jim carey talking out of his arse hole. The male enhancement innuendos (if any) I don't get. But then that's just me. ~A "All in all, it's just another brick in the wall." Pink Floyd There are no walls except for the ones we build. ~me~
shazbat

shazbat

17 years 4 months ago

I’ll take that as a

I'll take that as a compliment, as for the male enhancement innuendos i couldnt find any, but then I am not always the sharpest tool in the box. thanks for reading Regards John
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 4 months ago

John

Aww, man! I saw the title, and assumed that you were going to write about the Itchy and Scratchy show from the Simpsons! Well thought out poem, even though the (pharmacist?) sounds especially cruel at first! ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"Handle every situation like a dog: if you can't eat it, or screw it, piss on it and walk away!"
shazbat

shazbat

17 years 4 months ago

This is based on an

This is based on an overheard conversation in a chemist shop, where the pharmacist was discussing a womans highly personal problem so loudly that everybody could hear, now I know all there is to know about femenine itching. John
JL

Jo Latimer

17 years 4 months ago

LOL

Now I'm not sure if I enjoy your writes because they always make me laugh or because of the deft and elegant way you dealt with the comment above! Have just read your newest as well & found it Roald Dahl-esque. Jo