Race_9togo

Jan 21, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Cycle Break

there's a hole
smashed into my living room wall
shaped like a fist
it belongs to me and
to my broken knuckles

its hidden
behind an old water color of
women hurrying across
a rain-slick Paris street
my wife used to nag
about me fixing it
but she doesn’t anymore

When I feel
the rage that burns my heart
gets close enough
to turn my love to hate
I take the picture down
to look at what I did
and think of what
it would have done
if that broken wall had been
the flesh and bone
of someone that I love

I always put the picture back
and never fix that hole
it reminds me that
I'd rather maim myself
than put my smashing fist
to anyone I love
because I know
with just one blow
I will become my father

— Race_9togo, Jan 21, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Critiques

Proprietress o…

17 years 4 months ago

5/5

this piece is very descriptive, I could see that hole, I could see that picture hiding it. but I could not see you... let me explain why that is a good thing: I like the emotional distance I perceive from this poem. it allowed me to simultaneously slip into the male and female parts of the topic. the distance actually gives it a wider emotional range. I hope that I have expressed this so you understand what I mean. respectfully, your Proprietress

Race_9togo

17 years 4 months ago

Proprietress

Yes, I think I do see what you mean. This is not the original. It contained a lot more dark emotion and self examination that I thought was far too holier-than-thou and self-indulgent, so I reworked the piece, especially the last verse. I wasn't conciously thinking about the reader slipping into different roles. In fact I wasn't thinking about anything except how I fell about the hole, and what my wife thinks about it. maybe that's what comes through. Regardless, I thank you for your critique, which I value. Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Proprietress o…

17 years 4 months ago

it does come through, Jim.

congratulations again on such a strong write!

Glennj

17 years 4 months ago

Makes me feel a "hole" lot better.

I broke my hand. It was on a door, not the wall. It was more than thirty years ago, and I never did anything like that again. Wow, talk about empathy. Thanks for the insight, Jim. -Glenn

Race_9togo

17 years 4 months ago

Glenn

Not as long as thirty years ago for me, I'm afraid, but long enough so that my hand doesn't hurt anymore! Glad you liked it Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

themoonman

17 years 4 months ago

Jim...

I have been that man worried about becoming his father... this poem struck me in the gut... Proprietress read it so well... you were right to take out whatever you did before posting... it makes this poem about the "hole" and what it represents... very strong write! Richard

Race_9togo

17 years 4 months ago

Thanks Richard

yes, it has far more impact (excuse the word!) as it is. I changed it before posting largely due to what I have learned here these past months. Very glad you enjoyed it. Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Kailashana

17 years 4 months ago

It’s one of those poems

It's one of those poems that made me feel..... everything you have known. The end of the poem....... the end..... I bow. ~A "All in all, it's just another brick in the wall." Pink Floyd There are no walls except for the ones we build. ~me~

Race_9togo

17 years 4 months ago

A

Thank you very much, I am glad my effort had such an effect! Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Janice Pearce

17 years 4 months ago

Cycle Break

Jim, An interesting write that I enjoyed~ Line 15, I stumbled on [the flow a bit off?] A great piece, and the ending excellent!! _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

Race_9togo

17 years 4 months ago

Janice

Glad you enjoyed it. Yeah, line 15 was choppy, I changed "get" to "gets", and it flows better, no stumble now. Isn't it interesting, how a single word can change the continuity like that? Thanks Janice! Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Jo Latimer

17 years 4 months ago

Hi Jim

Immaculate ending. I have massive admiration and respect for people who understand and commune with their shadows - who know what they are capable of, yet who choose to be different. Bravo. Jo

Race_9togo

17 years 4 months ago

Jo

It is the darkest part of our souls that allows the light to illuminate the right choices that we make. Thank you. Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Conect11

17 years 4 months ago

a perfect title

compliments this piece, Jim. Its paradoxical, this place we are in between feeling helpless, and breaking a violent cycle. But you are a true man for breaking it, for living with your reminder, and a true man for your sensitivity. Mark W. Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. Against these, there is no law!" My favorite verse(s) in the Bible

Race_9togo

17 years 4 months ago

Thanks Mark

I didn't know if the title was any good, it seemed kind of brief and off-topic when I added it, but I guess I was wrong(surprise)! My ego just got bigger because of your other compliments! My wife read what you said too. Her reaction? "Forget it dear, I'm NOT buying you a bigger hat!" Thanks again. Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Tink

17 years 4 months ago

Another strong write jim.

I have live many sides of this one. I grew up with a abusive father and had things zinged by my head only to hit the wall. Growing up i hit my sisters a few times, not a proud period of my life, but was right after my parent's divorce. we have since mending fences and are very close now. My "x" was very verbally abusive, which led to choking me once. I'm glad you have a reminder and the strength to do the right thing. It is brave of you to write of this. Thank you for sharing. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

Race_9togo

17 years 4 months ago

Thanks Tink

Not difficult to write, in fact very easy. No, that's not right. It was easy to put the words down, but not easy to deal with what they meant, if you know what I mean. Very, very hard to post, though. Sharing this was not something I enjoyed, to be honest, but I was heartened by the response it received. Yes, I read about that "person" you were married to, you mentioned it before, in a comment on Ink's poem, I think. LOL Tink, siblings fight! I know me and mine did. But there isn't any excuse for abuse of one's spouse. None at all. Thank you again - I see you are looking at my efforts! Great! :D Respectfully, Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Kailashana

17 years 4 months ago

That many of us did not have

That many of us did not have *easy lives* is pretty much a given, given that we are poets. And there's the rub, somehow, the blood and tears have been assimilated to create and not destroy. Kudos to all! ~Anna "We have to try to get rid of the notion of time. And when you have an intense contact of love with nature or another human being, like a spark, then you understand that there is no time and that everything is eternal." Paulo Coelho