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The Bars

(Original by surrealist poet David Gascoyne)

"The Cage"

 In the waking night 
 The forests have stopped growing
 The shells are listening 
 The shadows in the pools turn grey
 The pearls dissolve in the shadow
 And I return to you 
 
 Your face is marked upon the clockface
 My hands are beneath your hair
 And if the time you mark sets free the birds

 And if they fly away toward the forest
 The hour will no longer be ours."

 
  The Bars
 
  In the waking night
  The panes of snow are shattered
  The soft keys turn in wrinkled hands
  The lamplights curl back to shadow.
  The hatchets of memory swing in dream
  And you place quarters over my eyes.

  Your face is falling from the sky 
  Of winter cavern, deep ornate blue.
  Your hair falls in my mouth
  Like moon slit ice.
  If I become warm I will miss you.

 Ours is a map written in scars.
 The opening of the hidden drawer.
 The closing of the circus.
 And the tea boils.
 And the gravestones smile.
 And silence pulsing radar heat.

 Once awake
 This will break apart
 And I will live in it's seams. 

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infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 3 months ago

wow

I've definitely got to read up on this fellow, as he reminds me of Rumi. I really like your take on his poem, even down to the intricate detail of the triple usage of 'the' to start off a line. "Ours is a map written in scars. The opening of the hidden drawer. The closing of the circus. And the tea boils. And the gravestones smile. And silence pulsing radar heat." - tight and awesome stanza. Can I suggest 'our map is one written in scars." for the opening line? Tight poem. very cool! ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"And he talks to the river of lost love and dedication And silent replies that swirl invitation Flow dark and troubled to an oily sea A grim intimation of what is to be" - Pink Floyd
Q

Quillsvein1

17 years 3 months ago

thank you

Jess as always! I would unreservedly recommend Gascoyne--if Rumi deserves the term "seeker", which he certainly does, Gascoyne definitely deserves it. You can find some of his work on the web--he was brought somewhat out of obscurity by Jeremy Reed, a British poet. Gascoyne's life is typical of the "poete maudit" but different because he sought God. You're definitely right about the last line: I was trying to imitate Gascoyne's alliteration. GB