Darkness Looms before Six

Before the clock struck six
Darkness rolls in its shadowy blanket
As daylight grows fainter and nightfall waxes
Daytime skies turned mysterious over
Glistening traffic lights entrancing me
As I watched from the Bojangles’s dining room window

— Barbara Writes, Jan 12, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Critiques

Tink

17 years 4 months ago

Barbara

I like the idea behind this poem, but feel it is rushed. Baby Dragon bored then meets Baby Girl became friends, played one game and went to sleep. Might I suggest that you add a line or two before the end to give the effect that they had played all day and used up all their energy and then new friends with their eyes growing heavy curled up side by side and feel asleep cuddled. Something to give cause to the sudden end of falling to sleep. Just to tie it together without feeling like something is left out. Like a step was skipped. I think that would make this a great child's poem. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

Nordic cloud

17 years 4 months ago

A few oddities

As usual atmospheric Barbara As daylight "growS" fainter I feel and why the comma after daylight? Daytime skies turn mysteriously over? of traffic entrancing me, isn't cars a bit more traffic? Too much. as I watched from Bojangles.. Now I have been bold, forgive me but that's what you asked for! Ann

Barbara Writes

17 years 4 months ago

Ann

Thanks for the suggestions. You are right. Somehow i missed those. Will make the changes. I am taking classes now and will be on here less. I will comment on others and respond to replies and as I get caught up on assignments. Keep the suggesting coming I appreciate them. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara