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Janice Pearce

Jan 10, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Triolet~Donald's Tree

It whispered secrets when storm clouds swirled,
his daydreams; a few misshapen rungs away.
He let no one in, it was his world.
It whispered secrets when storm clouds swirled,
safely in wooden womb, he curled.
T'was a labor of love in his childhood days.
It whispered secrets when storm clouds swirled,
his daydreams; a few misshapen rungs away.

— Janice Pearce, Jan 10, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

17 years 5 months ago

you have a gift Janice,

you have a gift Janice, beautiful and full-of-meaning triolet. thank you. ~A "All in all, it's just another brick in the wall." Pink Floyd There are no walls except for the ones we build. ~me~

A

17 years 5 months ago

My beloved form in your talented hands-

what a pleasure. I think you made a great choice for the second/last line. I might suggest using "swirled" instead of "formed" to help the rhyme. I wouldn't want to change "womb" since it's such a key word and it's got eye-rhyme with "world". Then, the first line and a half could read as one sentence, making it a little different from the last two lines. Just a thought. Very good. I'm glad you tried it.

17 years 5 months ago

Triolet

Arrow, you always have good suggestions. swirled does sound better, but then I have a problem with the 5th line. Doesn't it need to rhyme with swirled? Thank you so much for your help! _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

A

17 years 5 months ago

Two, just two rhymes. Aargh.

(A) formed, (B) away. (a) world. (A) formed (a) womb (b) days. (A) formed, (B) away You've only got two rhymes, the A's and the B's. Your A/a's are: formed, world and womb. Right now, none rhyme. With "swirled", you've got 2 out of 3. "Womb"'s a problem but it sort of looks like "world" and it's a problem with "formed," anyway. It's a tough little form, which is why I'm a cheater! :) Or, you could try something along the lines of "in wooden womb he curled."

17 years 5 months ago

Triolet

Arrow, Thank you for the help. "Curled" did come to mind when I thought of how to tie it together! Hope this is correct in form now! _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

A

17 years 5 months ago

Yes!

Flows great - whew!

17 years 5 months ago

Wowser

I had never even heard of a triolet (not like a toilet at all) *L* and evidently got here after corrections. I had to look it up. This is not only good, it is interesting as heck. Loved it! Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

17 years 5 months ago

Triolet

Well Rett, I was almost ready to throw it in the toilet, but Arrow saved my butt~ Thanks for commenting! _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

17 years 5 months ago

chuckling

He's saved mine more than a few times too! Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

A

17 years 5 months ago

Gracious-

all this talk of butts and toilets. What crappy languge.

17 years 5 months ago

Arrow

You crack me up Arrow! _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

17 years 5 months ago

Janice

This is great. I was inspired to do one too a while ago, when Arrow introduced me to them. He helped me a lot then, too. Really good write Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

17 years 5 months ago

Triolet

Jim, Thanks so much for commenting, can't wait to catch up on my reading! Yes, Arrow rocks~ _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

17 years 4 months ago

The poem rocks.

New form rocks. Arrow rocks. There's more than a few secrets whispered in the poem--'safely in wooden womb, he curled' is a very interesting line. Yours, Deelilah

17 years 4 months ago

Triolet

Thanks so much Dee, I appreciate your thoughs, always! _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

P

prayersbyPatty

17 years 4 months ago

Jan

I love this, It makes me think that this young boy climbed the rungs to his wooden tree house? I have done that as a child to get away from all the noise of arguments, childhood fights. Loved it Jan.............. another Masterpiece

17 years 4 months ago

Triolet

Thanks for your thoughts Patty, and glad to see you back, and commenting. Guess with the holiday celebrations we all get quite busy~ _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

17 years 4 months ago

Janice,

as a child I always wished I had my own haven, but growing up in the city the only haven I had was my mind, which later proved to be a danger. I love the way you write of secret places, and created imagery to go with it so perfectly. what a grand write! thanks, Eddie

17 years 4 months ago

Triolet

Eddie, Thanks so much for your kind words. I think the haven of your mind brought you to writing pooetry my friend, and that is a good thing! As always, your thoughts truly appreciated~ _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

P

prayersbyPatty

17 years 4 months ago

Jan

Congrats on the spotlight, I love this poem and Donald's tree sounds like a great place to be................. Patty

17 years 4 months ago

Triolet

Thanks Patty! Donald is my brother, and he loved his tree house. He spent many hours building it, and enjoying his "safe" haven. _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

17 years 4 months ago

Janice

Well done. Spotlight most definitely deserved! Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

17 years 4 months ago

Triolet

Jim, Once again, I appreciate your feedback it is greatly appreciated! _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

17 years 4 months ago

Janice,

the spotlight is exactly where this belongs, "CONGRATS!!" Great work!!! Eddie

17 years 4 months ago

Triolet

Eddie, your continued support means so much to me, Thank You~ _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

17 years 4 months ago

Janice...

I do declare! This form is a scary one for me... you did well, and Arrow's suggestions have saved my butt as well... and I loved the tree house Richard

17 years 4 months ago

Triolret

Hey Moon! Thanks for the comment. Didn't know how much butt Arrow is saving on the site. Guess we all owe him~Glad you enjoyed the treehouse Triolet! _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

LD

leonard daranjo

17 years 4 months ago

How did I miss this

This is really an interesting piece Janice. I enjoyed the read. Besides, this is the first time I have heard of a Triolet. I have learnt something new. Cheers ... Leonard

17 years 4 months ago

Triolet

Thank you Leonard, Arrow taught me about them and helped me to tie it all together~ I am glad that you enjoyed it! _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

LD

leonard daranjo

17 years 4 months ago

Well deserved spot light.

Hi Janice, Congrats on reaching the spotlight. May the pearls continue to roll of your pen. Cheers ... Leonard

17 years 4 months ago

Leonard

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart~ _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

17 years 4 months ago

a nothing poem

nice words. Sais noting. If you gave real serious back to others your portry might be seeing seriouosly. You are self indulgent.Selfish, ungenerous. cheers, Jess

17 years 4 months ago

Donald's Tree

Jess, I request that you not comment on my poems any further A member of the AEC calling names is un-acceptable! _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

17 years 4 months ago

You are quite right.

Apologies no longer count. Sometimes my brain explodes. I will no longer comment. Nevertheless, even though this comment was a totally wrong brain explosion I simply never see you give helpful criticism. "How Nice" cheers, Jess

P

prayersbyPatty

17 years 4 months ago

Jealous is what you are

Jealous is what you are

17 years 4 months ago

jealous?

Oh, my dear, try harder. cheers, Jess

P

prayersbyPatty

17 years 4 months ago

You know what?

In the Bible it tells us not to argue with the foolish, how do you figure out someone is selfish from a poem..... answer: YOU DRINK, seriously do everyone a favor and try binge drinking. I would rather you be gone than purple moon doll. Oh, but the wicked don't ever die. You are a foolish piece of...................

17 years 4 months ago

Patty

Although Jess's comments were in-appropriate, The comment about wishing someone gone is also in-appropriate. Just my feelings~ _____________________________ To write a touching poem, you must gently stir the soul, if it brings forth tears or smiles, then the story was beautifully told. ________Janice Pearce_________

P

prayersbyPatty

17 years 4 months ago

Jan

You are right, that was not called for. Patty

17 years 4 months ago

No more sorries, they get tired. No more comments from me.

My brain explodes periodically, but I give way, way more. cheers, Jess

17 years 4 months ago

Jess you have genius

Jess you have genius abilities... i sense your inability to fit in... i'm much like you... though i have learned to erupt in poetry. neutral ground. just remember folks, how one re-acts speaks more about the re-actor than it does about the one to whom we react. and Janice's work speaks on many levels of reactions. eh? ~A "All in all, it's just another brick in the wall." Pink Floyd There are no walls except for the ones we build. ~me~

17 years 4 months ago

Okay everyone

Let's please move on from this. I think enough has been said. Be well all. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water."

17 years 4 months ago

Indeed Rett, the insanity of

Indeed Rett, the insanity of the world... filters down in & through each and every one of us. Did we actually think we are immune? ~A "All in all, it's just another brick in the wall." Pink Floyd There are no walls except for the ones we build. ~me~

17 years 4 months ago

Donalds Tree A triolet

J P You have certainly set this site on fire with "A Triolet". Congrats. We are all intrigued. learning so much on this site. Electriclbue

17 years 4 months ago

To read, learn and share is

To read, learn and share is what I am here for also. Thank you for your comments, always appreciated!! ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous