dancing with shiva

1.

it's not as though the river of despair
thaws
and ice-skeletons of snowmen
dance in sugar plum dreams
it's not as though i have found
my stairway to heaven
in a lock and key,
it's all this winter light
so blue,
so cold that my Kailash mountain
shivers
in your Shiva-breath,,
and your touch,
my Beloved,
your tongue on my heart
is all that remains.

2.

i live in limbo now
caught between
Bukowski's sodden breath
and a Hallelujah song,
where do i belong
when the moon is full
and the day turns over on its side?

another wall is breeched,
i give birth
to empty arms.

3.

I almost loved you enough
to make you real
but then I went back to sleep
and sometimes it rains
in January
then the streets turn to ice,
and there is this beggar in my heart
embracing me
breathing me into oblivion,
come closer now,
see how
sensual the rose of desire
unfolding
see how translucent my skin.

4.


there is no blue
in the dark grey and
solemn black of
winter just before the sun rises
in Ohio

some never leave,
these wandering minstrals
of living joy
announce their presence,
how sweet the sound
of drab sparrow
common house wren
past my window.